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SLIMY BASTARDS
John Edwards
Former presidential candidate
He already was irrelevant. Then he allowed news of an affair and love child to come out so slowly, we forgot he was already irrelevant.
Eric Massa
Ex-Congressman
It's hard to be influential when you have no clue how the world works. You don't explain how ungay you are by saying you were just having tickle fights with the guys you live with, like you did when you were in the Navy. Liberace was more subtle.
Tom Anderson
Founder of, and everyone's friend on, MySpace
Have you clicked on MySpace lately? It's like you wandered into some section of Las Vegas that's so seedy it should be in Tampa. You can get venereal diseases just from logging on.
Jon Gosselin
Ex–reality dad
We once thought he was the henpecked husband of a crazy chick. Now we love the henpecker. Killing the Ed Hardy trend was the last influence you'll ever have.
Lindsay Lohan
Actress
Things are not good when you're suing babies.
Michael Lohan
Lindsay Lohan's dad
He's engaged to Jon Gosselin's ex-girlfriend.
Mark Sanford
Governor of South Carolina
Before he "hiked the Appalachian Trail" with an Argentine journalist, the still sitting governor of South Carolina was a top contender for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. Now he's going to enter the private sector. A sector so private, a man can go on a fake hiking trip alone and no one will care.
Angelina Pivarnick
Reality washout
To get kicked off MTV's Jersey Shore is an accomplishment, but not one that gets you on the next season of Jersey Shore.
Björgólfur Gudmundsson
Former owner and chairman of the Icelandic bank Landsbanki
Iceland's second billionaire ever — the first was his son, Thor Björgólfsson (in Iceland, your last name is just your dad's first name plus either -sson or -dottir) — he went from being worth $1.1 billion to $0. And he's being investigated. And he destroyed his country's economy. And Gordon Brown used antiterrorist laws to freeze Landsbanki's U.K. holdings. And he named his bank Landsbanki. The British hate him more than they hate his country's volcanoes.
Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson
Icelandic businessman
When you're a good-looking dude who sells clothing, you have to really screw up to have people protest in the streets against you. And for your ex-mistress to talk about your sex life during an accounting trial. Anyway, no one is lending him money now. Not even in kronur.
Hreidar Már Sigurdsson
Former head of the failed Icelandic band Kaupthing
I kind of went down a Wikipedia hole with the Icelandic financial crisis.
Bernie Madoff
Wall Street fraudster, prisoner No. 61727-054
Prisoners won't even invest their cigarettes with him.