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FLAMEOUTS
Chris Dodd
Connecticut Senator
When they ran for President in 2008, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden were exactly equal in power: two domestically liberal, foreign-policy-conservative wonks who couldn't get a vote despite being well qualified. Now Biden is Veep, and Dodd will give up his Senate seat before he loses it because of some sweet deals he got from the banks he was overseeing.
Bo Obama
First Dog
No book telling us to exercise or eat leafy greens? No hilarious video of chasing a squirrel to distract us from the fact that our unemployment benefits are almost up? After all that talk about what breed of dog to buy, the family decided to go with Total Loser?
H1N1
Virus
I got a shot for this loser! I made my baby get a shot! This was the biggest loser epidemic since bird flu. Or SARS. I bet H1N1 never even killed a pig. I've eaten about three pigs this week, and I'm not technically a virus.
Sleestaks
Fictional creatures from Land of the Lost
You guys bought Escalades with pimped-out rims and Beverly Hills homes, thinking you'd finally made it. Then Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell bombed, and your big-eyed, giant scaly heads realized your one chance was gone.
Patrick Kennedy
Congressman
I like this guy, but it's all over for him now.
Sarah Larson
George Clooney's ex-girlfriend
While you were dating George Clooney, People named you one of their most beautiful people. Now try getting People to call you back. They're not really your friend, Sarah.
Kindle Owners
Too-early adopters
Do you use them as coasters? Or to bash iPad users over the head in frustration?
Carson Daly
Talk-show host
Really. He is. He has a show on NBC. It comes on right after Jimmy Fallon. He was given the show eight years ago so he could practice in obscurity before he took over for Conan. The show has offices and everything.
The Doors
Classic rock band
We've all decided that they actually sucked and just had a handsome lead singer.
Rick Wagoner
Former head of General Motors
It's one thing to get fired by your board. But you got fired by the federal government; 300 million of us gave you a pink slip.
R.U. Sirius
Writer
In the 1990s, everyone wanted to hear from this guy about cyberculture. It was an innocent time, when we knew so little about the Internet, we had to listen to people even if they called themselves R.U. Sirius.
Grover
Muppet
Elmo is taking all your airtime, yo.