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While some, such as Charles Byrd, editor of the webzine Interracial Voice, argue that race is a false construct, few deny that it nonetheless acts as a dividing line. Parenting a child who straddles that line means addressing not only the question of "Who am I?" but also "Where do I belong?"--an issue that parents must grapple with before they are swept away by the rapids of everyday family living. "The father and mother have to get together on what they're going to say so the child is not given two different spiels," says Clayton Majete, a lecturer at New York City's Baruch College who studies interracial families. He suggests waiting for the children to raise the issue and then taking the time to deal with it.
Until recently, conventional wisdom typically classified a mixed-race child as being of the same race as the minority parent. But that rule is being challenged as more interracial couples insist that their children be allowed to claim all sides of their heritage--an approach that experts think makes for a more settled, secure child.
It's an approach, however, that requires diligence on the part of the parents. Project race (Reclassify All Children Equally)--a campaign started by Ryan Graham, a biracial Florida teenager, and his mother Susan--has won changes in the act college-entrance-exam forms and some minor alterations in the U.S. Census form as well as on some local and state government forms. But most of society has not yet taken to the concept of biracial identity. Most government forms don't include a multiracial box, and it's usually up to the parent to make sure a child isn't compartmentalized. "I tell my kids that if somebody gives them a hard time about checking black and white, come get me, and I'll take care of it for them," says Edwin Darden, a Virginia father of two biracial kids who successfully pushed for a multiracial box on his school-district forms.
Parents may prefer that children embrace their full racial heritage, and it can be painful for, say, a white mother to see her biracial child choose to identify herself as black. But there are limits to parental influence, as well as immense pressure to choose sides. "One of the things we find is that in the teenage years, they stray from the teachings of their parents," says Darden, who has encountered this while running a local interracial-family support group. "It's too difficult to be different." Parents can offer their support and advice, but they should be ready to accept the child's decision on how to be classified.
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In the past 10 years the number of people willing to consider transracial adoptions has surged. In 1972 the National Association of Black Social Workers made waves when it declared itself vehemently opposed to transracial placements. Representatives of the association argued that minority children need parents like them in order to form a strong sense of identity. While that view is shared by many officials in the foster-care system, there are now laws in place forbidding officials to use race as a routine consideration. And proponents of transracial placement have research behind them. "The bottom line is that these children grow up healthy and with ties to their culture," says sociologist Rita Simon.