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"And I really need these periods of reflection, because I know now how corrupting this work of ours can be. Years ago a child told me: 'You want me to succeed so much. Could you understand if I failed?' He meant: Could you love me if I failed? It is so easy for us to love someone because he is making progress and being responsive to our efforts. What about those who can't respond? It is important to learn to love someone without asking for love in return. It really is very important." "I'm not even conscious of whether I need the response or not," says Geraldine. "It's just that I have this powerful feeling of loving, which I treat as a joke sometimes, but it is there. Maybe this work does fulfill my emotional needs, I don't know. It certainly teaches me a lot, an expansion of the heart."
"We try not to be carried away," says Mary Paul, "to give and pull back so that you can give to many, not just one or two. The long haul, as Geraldine says. When I was starting out, I heard other sisters rhapsodize about how God was in our midst when we were doing good works. I grew jaundiced at that talk. I think God is in our midst at many different times, and it does not take a surge of emotion to produce him. On the subway I look at children, look at their little blank faces, and I'm so disturbed, I'm beside myself. I wish that I could speak creatively about the beauty in those faces, in painting or music, but I can't. All I do, on the most mundane level possible, is what can be done."
Morning Mass is conducted in a small chapel of St. Michael's set up with folding chairs. A cross bearing a gilded figure of Jesus hangs before the parishioners, fewer than 20, all of whom are in their 50s and older. Most have attended Mass here all their lives. Men and women in cloth coats whisper prayers to themselves before the arrival of the priest. They fill the room with soft hisses and t-sounds.
The two blue figures kneel beside each other in the second row and pray in silence: "My God, with all my heart I renew the vows I have made to thee to practice poverty, chastity and obedience, and zeal for the salvation of souls, and to be faithful to thee forever."
At the entrance of the young priest the parishioners rise.
Priest: May the Lord be with you.
Parishioners: And also with you.
XIV SUNSET
PARK
Thirty minutes before the Nutcracker begins, the auditorium at P.S. 314 shows an audience of two: a pair of Hispanic fathers, wearing identical Alpine hats and somber winter coats, which they do not remove. They sit together, saying not a word to each other, and stare with pious seriousness at the tall paper Christmas tree pinned to the red curtain. A few minutes pass, and two more parents enter and find seats in the auditorium; then a jabbering group of five; then 20; then an onrush. Grandparents with canes; mothers shoving strollers; brothers, sisters and cousins of the performers; Geraldine and Mary Paul, who upon entering are rushed by a flock of small girls dressed as Snowflakes insisting: "Look at me! Look at me!" Maryanne Sabatino takes a ; seat at the rear, sees Ingrid and her two daughters, and signals cheerfully.