L. to R.: George Clooney, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, President of the French Republic Nicholas Sarkozy
(5 of 10)
41. Rafael Nadal: I hadn't watched an entire tennis match on TV in my life. I was rooting for you, and then against you, and then really against you.
42. Ted Kennedy: I know you've done super-important stuff for like decades, but the main effect you have on me is that I pull my windows down before I drive over a bridge.
43. Meredith Whitney: You make excellent stock predictions and are married to a professional wrestler. But I'm a mutual funds and Tour de France guy.
44. Martin Lindstrom: I had you up at number 23 until I found out that you are not a hockey player.
45. Tiger Woods: I don't like golf. Weird, right?
46. William Kentridge: I read an article about you in TIME. All the way through.
47. Lance Corporal Brady "Goose" Gustafson: When I heard about you, which was right after I typed in "number 47," I decided I needed a cool nickname of my own. Say hello to Joel "Goose" Stein!
48. Jack Ma: Ma doesn't eat shark fin soup, I don't eat shark fin soup. I never had, but now I never will.
49. Carlos Slim: When the world's third richest person is Mexican, you feel bad about yourself as a Jew.
50. Stephan Schuster and Webb Miller: By saying they can clone a wooly mammoth for $10 million, they are searching out people richer and nerdier than I am, a list I intend to use for some kind of grift. Like claiming I can clone a wooly mammoth.