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The authors are the founders of the Cove, a program for grieving children and their families in Guilford, Conn. They first learned about this subject the hard way: James' first wife died suddenly at 39, leaving him with three children. A few years later, he married Mary Ann, a business executive. Helping the children heal became their goal. "We share our story and this book with you out of the conviction that, if we can make it, you can too," they tell readers. Their smart book explains the dynamics of a suffering family and provides numerous ways parents can help their children weather the storm. Many children will need additional help, they say; a recent study indicated that within the first two years, 36% of grieving kids show symptoms troubling enough to warrant seeking professional mental-health care. So the book explains to parents how to find a counselor or a therapist if need be. Families will find the Emswilers' book a steadying hand at a rocky time.
LIFE IS GOOD Barbara Coloroso, the author of Parenting Through Crisis: Helping Kids in Times of Loss, Grief, and Change (HarperCollins), is a great believer in openness with children in the face of death. "We can try to hide the loss from them, try to shield them from the anguish, convince ourselves they are too young to understand--they will still grieve, but without the comfort, support, knowledge and tools they need."
Coloroso's book, which also covers divorce and illness, is a true self-help book, and she is an adherent of pop-psych locutions. The "five S's" of suicide and murder, she says, are "stigma, shame, secrets, silence and sin." The "TAO" of family is an acronym for the three things we need when our lives are thrown into chaos: time, affection and optimism. Some of Coloroso's observations are wise; others will be annoying to those less inclined toward this approach. But it's hard to quibble with her favorite formulation: "Life is not fair. Life hurts. Life is good."