If there was something you could do to increase your happiness, enhance your health and extend your life expectancy, you'd do it, right? Well, there is. The magic potion? An enduring marriage. The benefits of a prolonged state of union are well documented. To cite just one of many studies: researchers Linda J. Waite and Lee Lillard found that for men, staying married boosts the chances of surviving to age 65 from 2 out of 3 to almost 9 out of 10. Yet since only about half of U.S. marriages endure, young couples often have trouble finding good role models. But many marriages do last for decades. As the high season for weddings and anniversaries approaches, TIME offers a miscellany of matrimonial bliss--each with its own tips for success.
EMBRACE YOUR DIFFERENCES
Aside from both being academics, Dolores and Jefferson Fish are opposites--and that's what they love about each other. Dolores is African American; Jeff is white. She's a loner; he's a mixer. She's nurturing; he's competitive. She's rational; he's emotional. As a cultural anthropologist she studies objects; as a psychologist he studies people. "We have zero overlap," says Jeff proudly. "Even after 30 years together, I am perpetually fascinated by Dolores." The feeling is mutual. "Jeff and I have many more interesting worlds to share with each other because we have those differences," says Dolores.
One world Dolores shares with Jeff is that of the Krikati Indians of Brazil, the focus of her dissertation. When Dolores returned to Brazil for two years early in their marriage to continue her research, Jeff accompanied her--and developed a lifelong interest in cross-cultural psychology. Because of their different training, they emerged with different impressions of Brazil--making their experience all the richer. "We serve as intellectual expansion devices for each other," says Dolores.
In fact, it is the rare similarities that have created the crises in the Fishes' marriage. Though Jeff and Dolores adore their daughter Krekamey, the first few years after her birth were stressful as they struggled to care for her and pursue demanding careers as professors. Both felt the strain, but Dolores undertook the majority of parenting tasks and allowed her career to suffer the consequences. How did she deal with the frustrations? "I took it day by day," she says, acknowledging, "I find more personal rewards in household things than Jeff does."
If difference is good for grownups, it's even better for kids, Jeff believes. As a result of her double racial and cultural heritage, Krekamey is endowed with "binocular vision, which allows her to see to a depth you can't with one eye." Heightened powers of observation are especially valuable to Krekamey, who is a medical resident in pediatrics serving an ethnically diverse population in New York City.
After 30 years of marriage, Jeff and Dolores still look forward to seeing each other every night to share their day. Asked the secret of their marital success, Dolores says, "Don't be afraid of the differences. Differences are fabulous."
BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER
When comedian Bob Newhart and his fiance, Virginia Quinn, asked a priest to marry them, the clergyman balked. Show-biz marriages never last, he told them. The priest was wrong. Thirty-seven years later, Bob and Ginnie are still together.