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The '90s have seen a sharp rise in the number of gays and lesbians raising children, the so-called gay-by boom. Some had children before realizing they were homosexual. More recently, many would-be gay parents have chosen adoption, foster care or artificial insemination. While exact numbers are not available, it has been estimated that 6 million to 14 million children are living with at least one homosexual parent. Publishers have sought to meet the needs of this community with books like the often controversial Heather Has Two Mommies (Alyson).
Even Dr. Spock's final revision includes a section on gay and lesbian parents. "Tests of psychological adjustment show no significant differences between the wellbeing of children raised by heterosexual parents and those raised by gay or lesbian parents," he wrote.
Books for gays who decide to become parents are still not an everyday publishing event. The most popular guidebook, The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook: Creating and Raising Our Families (HarperPerennial), was published in 1993. The author, April Martin, is a psychologist in New York City and a lesbian mother. She walks parents through the intricacies of homosexual parenthood. "The children of lesbians and gay men are the most considered and planned-for children on earth," she writes. "There is virtually no such thing as an unwanted child among us."
CYBERSENIORS: '90S GRANDPARENTS
Baby boomers and Gen Xers may have taken over parenthood, but their own parents are also living longer and thus extending the family as well. By the year 2005 there will be an estimated 80 million to 90 million grandparents in the U.S. Only those codgers won't be sitting in rocking chairs, talking about the old days. Boomer grandparents are likely to be "younger, healthier, wealthier and better educated," say Kathryn and Allan Zullo, the husband-wife authors of The Nanas and the Papas: A Boomers' Guide to Grandparenting (Andrews McMeel). The Zullos give grandparents advice about keeping up with far-flung grandchildren, through e-mail and family websites, as well as traditional tips for childproofing their home.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known as a sex therapist, explains the importance of grandparents in her life and others' in Grandparenthood (Routledge). She and co-author Dr. Steven Kaplan also dispel the stereotypes: "Contrary to some popular images, most grandparents are neither feeble nor old." Instead, says Dr. Ruth, a grandparent can serve as a valued family historian, model, teacher, confidant or safety net. She also addresses the special concerns when a grandchild is adopted, or when the parents are interethnic or interracial.
Yes, there is a lot out there to digest. Yet for all the new books, bear in mind that they don't have all the answers either. Parenting involves a lot of common sense, which books can encourage but can't create from scratch. As Dr. Spock wisely said, "You know more than you think you do." Not enough to win yourself a book contract, maybe, but enough to pick and choose what works best for you from all these other tomes.