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With 1 of every 2 marriages ending in divorce, more than half of all American children have been part of a broken family. Books like Anthony E. Wolf's Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?: A Guide to Parenting through Divorce (Noonday) aim to help parents help their children through the ordeal. Wolf, a clinical psychologist who has worked with kids for almost 30 years, gives practical guidance for talking to children about tough issues. When, for example, is the right time to tell your son or daughter that you're getting a divorce? "Although there is never a good time," writes Wolf, "you will need at least to make sure that the moment you select is one when you will be together for a while, preferably on a nonschool day. When they are suddenly feeling very unsafe and very alone, they will need you to be there for them, so they can feel as safe as possible and not so alone."
Rabbi, family mediator and mental-health counselor M. Gary Neuman says it is time for us to face the new realities of marriage: "We must stop regarding new family structures--single-parent, step-, and blended--as somehow inferior and support these families for what they are: real families too." Neuman's book, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way (Times), is meant to help parents navigate the choppy waters of divorce. Neuman is the creator of the Sandcastles Program, a workshop for the children of divorce, which has aided more than 30,000 kids. "The overwhelming majority of children of divorce feel sad, confused, angry, guilty and conflicted," writes Neuman. "When these feelings are not expressed and dealt with in a healthy, productive way, they endure and taint children's views of themselves."
FATHER KNOWS BEST: POPS WHO PITCH IN
Many dads have come to realize that parenting is not simply a "mom thing." The publishing industry has been happy to enlighten them, with a truckload of new books this year for the paternal wing of the family library.
Armin A. Brott has added a third book, A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years (Abbeville), to his New Father series. (The first two were The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be and A Dad's Guide to the First Year.) Brott writes honestly and earnestly. His wry sense of humor will be a relief to hassled parents. He observes, for example, that at 12 to 15 months, a toddler is "becoming aware of the expressive function of language and has developed an uncanny ability to pick out--and endlessly repeat--the one swear word you accidentally slipped into a 10-minute-long conversation." Brott also knows how to get a dad's attention: active fathering, he suggests, is "the ultimate aphrodisiac" for your partner.