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Sarah's father Larry is an associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. He takes turns with Ilene, a clinical instructor at Harvard Law School, juggling commitments for Sarah and her brother Josh. They strive never to miss a shining moment. But it can be tricky, as Larry makes clear when he describes a hectic day last spring: "On Monday, both Sarah and Josh were playing sports, and Ilene couldn't be there. So I shot out of the office at 4, picked up Josh, took him to his baseball game, then went to Sarah's tennis match, then went to Josh's baseball game till 8. I had a talk to give in Toronto the next day, and I wasn't prepared. So I put my slides together at midnight and flew out at 9 a.m."
Not every parent has the flexibility to leave work at 4 and finish up late at night. Still, making the effort to be present for a child's victories and milestones is vitally important, says Robert Weintraub, headmaster at Brookline High, where Sarah is a student: "Parents must attend every event their child participates in--back-to-school night, plays, shows, games. The kids will say you don't need to come, but you do. It reinforces the importance of school." Just as important, he says, is keeping the day-to-day dialogue going, no matter how reluctant a child might seem. Teenagers, in particular, will seem to push the parent away. "Don't stop when your kid rejects you. Ask to see their papers and exams. The initial response to questions like 'What happened at school today?' may be 'Nothing.' You have to be persistent. School is a very important part of their lives."
Can any child be a good student? Assuming good health and normal intelligence, the answer is probably yes. A great student? Maybe not. Some kids seem to be born organized and focused. Like Mike Terry, they have tidy rooms with a designated place for everything. Like Sarah Seidman, they have long attention spans at a young age. "There's a strong correlation between a good student and things like time management and organization," notes Dan Walls, dean of admissions of Emory University in Atlanta. Kids blessed with these qualities may have a natural advantage over kids who have to struggle to keep order--although those who keep up the struggle will ultimately develop persistence, the most valuable trait a student can have.
For parents who despair of ever seeing an honor-roll mention, there is this bit of consolation from Arnold's valedictorian study. Conventionally good students tend to wind up as conventional successes. "I hate to use the word conformists," says Arnold of her high achievers, "but they were aware of and willing to deal with the rules of the system." Bill Gates was not a conventionally good student. Neither was Thomas Edison nor Ernest Hemingway nor most of the world's truly creative brains. But don't kid yourself either. It just isn't true that Einstein flunked out of math.
--Reported by Wendy Cole/Chicago, Emily Mitchell/Wichita, Megan Rutherford/New York and Sarah J.M. Tuff/Atlanta