(4 of 5)
Of course, these are the problems of the more fortunate. Poorer women will see little in The First Wives Club that they can relate to. "This idea of leaving for a new trinket is more for people who are used to living well," observes Betty Nordwind, executive director of the Harriet Duhai Family Law Center, a nonprofit legal-aid service in Los Angeles. Among her divorce clients, if the husband has a younger girlfriend, that is likely to be "reason No. 20" for the split, with violence, money troubles and addiction the more pressing concerns.
At all income levels, however, divorce ends up being a better financial deal for men than for women--even though the laws in most states require an equitable distribution of property. According to 1996 data from the Social Science Research Council in New York City, a woman's standard of living declines 30% on average the first year after a divorce, while a man's rises 10%--although again, younger women are more likely to have careers to fall back on. For one thing, the man's income is usually higher to begin with, so he can afford better lawyers during the settlement. For another, says Frank Furstenberg, sociology professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of a study on children of divorce, "women continue to support the children, and child support doesn't make up the difference." Two-thirds of all divorces involve minor children, and according to Columbia law professor Martha Fineman, author of The Illusion of Equality, the average annual child-support payment is only around $3,000. "Equality is being applied with a vengeance against women," she says. "Assumptions are made about women's ability to earn wages that are unrealistic, given the discrimination and different rates of pay." The trend toward joint custody can also impoverish an ex-wife, since the father puts his money toward maintaining a separate household for the kids, not toward supporting hers. The kids too get financially battered. Ultimately, the average household income for children of divorce drops 30%, while the poverty rate for children living with single mothers is five times as high as for those in intact families.
The effects of marriage breakdowns on women and children have sparked the current bipartisan movement to shore up the institution of marriage and put the fault back in divorce. Two weeks ago, at a conference in Aspen, Colorado, Republican virtuecrat Bill Bennett spoke at a seminar of investors and media executives about the social scourge of divorce. "Don't just look at young black men or at women on welfare," he said. "We've got to look at ourselves. The middle class needs to set an example of standing by your family and your children and your commitments." The Masters of the Universe, many sitting with second or third wives, were visibly uncomfortable.
Bennett and others have targeted no-fault divorce, in which one member of the couple can choose to end the marriage without citing a specific factor, such as adultery or desertion. Lawmakers in Michigan, which is at the forefront of this movement, recently introduced bills to abolish no-fault divorce and put up new barriers to both divorce and marriage. "Marriage is a commitment," says Brian Willats, a spokesman for the Michigan Family Forum, which supports premarital counseling. "It's not just notarized dating."