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Afore you was dry behind the ears I'd been stirrin apple butter nigh unto forty years. You aint got no call to be initiatin any new fangled sacieties that your elders knowed about fore they ever thought of you. But tain no bad idee at that an' I'm for it. You kin put my name down as a charter member and since you aint goin to charge no nitiatin fee I thenk mebbe one or to other old timers thats done their share of stirrin in these parts 'll come in too. Write you bout that later.
Meanwhile if you'll sort of appint me as vice president of the Former Apple Butter Stirrers' Society Fer the Purpose of Promulgatin, Promotin and Perpetuatin Memories of Apple Butter Stirrin Days I'll se what we kin do in Green Valley to help on the Perpetuatin. I got another nephew up at Cherry Hill mebbe you never heerd of, names Henry O'Hope. I rember one time when Henry was a little kodger his ma and him come over to make us a visit. His Aunt Sarah an me was stirrin Apple Butter out back of the kitchen wen they drove up. Henry jumped out an come over to help me stir. Somethin caught his interest an he turned round and afore you could say jackrobinson he backed up and sot right down in the kittle. Well twant bad enough to burn him much but for few days he had to eat his meals standin up. An' the accident didn't hurt the Apple Butter nuther.
I reckon you can't make this saciety any Stag affair. Your Aunt Sarah says she don't like no stag ideas neither so that's out.
Mebbe while you're at it you better include the sorghum lickers too as associate members. Theys a lot of them round here that got nitiated in that art long as Hank Smith was runnin his sorghum mill.
I still got our old copper kittle an she's 30 gallons if she's a spoon-full. Gittin bout time to bring her out now and bout the time this gets to you we'll be stirrin ourselves to stir up our supply of the best so of fillin that God ever invented with fresh bread. Hopin youre the same.
YOUR UNCLE DAVID Uncle David Graham, Farmer Green Valley, Somers in the U.S.
O. W. BEHRENS Minneapolis. Minn.
Sirs:
Dear Clem:
I aint much of a hand ter join no organizashuns, not even the kind that keeps alive memories of stirrin apple butter, butcherin and all them chores we used to do down on the farm in Indiany. The old purplish-brown apple butter used to come thru them hole in the paddle like somethin it aint so pleasant to think about, but just the same that ain a bad idea of yours. If they has organizashuns for folks that used to pump pipe organs, why not ? But don't you think then orter be a requirement that you had to turn the peeler the night before for the wimmen folks who cored and sliced them apple? Those slicers, by the way, might be permitted to join the auxiliary.
Ennyway, brother, I think you've got somethin there that might be worth continuin. You fellows over in Marion, Ohio always was darn good organizers and sum of the best apple sauce ever made in the country came from there. If your apple butter was only half as good, it was dam good stuff, and so you kin put me clown as a charter member.
IKE N. STIRR (Oran Raber) New Orleans, La.
Pea Ess: How much fanny mail do you get or whatever they call them letters to moshun pitcher stars? I. N. S.
Wham!
Sirs: