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Eugene Schallert reports that many priests think they leave to marry but actually leave for other reasons. His survey of ex-priests shows that nearly all of them zealously embraced the concepts of reform introduced by Vatican II. "The person opts for questioning instead of the ready answer, for 'this worldly' rather than 'other worldly' orientation, for personalism over absolutism. He is inclined toward change, but he believes no change is occurring. He finds he does not believe very deeply in the rules of the church." With that, says Schallert, he begins to ask, "Who am I?" He seeks help from someone, whom Schallert calls the "crucial other"—a friend, a superior, a confessor. He does not find it, and finally he decides to leave. "Once that decision is made," says Schallert, "he may develop a close relationship with a woman. When we start talking with him, the thing on his mind is the woman. Then we start probing to find out when this all started, and it wasn't a woman at all."
Schallert notes that priests spend "an average of four to five years agonizing over their decision before walking out of the door. They probably spend more time deciding to leave than they spend deciding to enter the ministry. They just don't get mad at somebody and walk out in a huff. The priest who leaves may be frustrated at the difficulty in finding a way to work for the church, but he is not angry."
Death Wish