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Workaday Folk. Many musicians, of course, disagree—hysterically and compulsively at times. They say they are just workaday folk, subject to the same strains and stresses as anyone else. Nevertheless, prolonged study of orchestra players suggests a curious collection of traits, neurotic or otherwise. The result, however arbitrary, is a sort of Stereotype Symphony.
> The Prima Donna on first violin:
Having studied to be a soloist, he resents the ignominy of sawing away with the masses. He shares with other string players the conviction that there is something unfair about having devoted a lifetime to conquering his instrument when other musicians have mastered theirs in only a few years. High-strung, persnickety, he raises potted plants and an ulcer.
> The Understudy on second violin: Buried deep within the strings, he feels forgotten. His expression is hangdog, his disposition catty. He lives only for the day when, in some miraculous burst of virtuosity, he will dethrone the hated Prima Donna. Meanwhile, to compensate, he composes sonatas on the side.
> The Middleman on viola: The in fighting for advancement that goes on among the more populous violin desks is not for him; that is why he switched over from the violin years ago. The cerebral sort, he lives for chamber music, which offers more challenge than the routine supporting role that most composers give his instrument.
>The Bon Vivant on cello: Cool, detached, debonair, he exudes calm assurance—and amore. Convinced that the sound of his cello is a mating call, he is a dedicated lady killer and a divorcee. Besides women, he collects Chinese jade and pre-Columbian art.
> The Mortician on bass: With little chance for individual expression, he prides himself on being the "foundation of the orchestra." Tall, glum, plodding, he is quick to point out that he and his instrument are exceedingly manly.
> The Eccentric on oboe: Poor chap, puffing away he builds so much pressure inside his head that it is a wonder he is only half crazy. If that were not enough, he spends 15 masochistic hours a week shaving reeds for his mouthpiece. He has gotten over his fainting spells; now he just snarls a lot.
> The Clown on bassoon: He is a practical joker. It figures, say fellow musicians, because anybody who takes up such a contrary and ridiculous instrument must have a sense of humor. Ever since Mendelssohn made the bassoon a buffoon in a clown march, the bassoonist has been trying to prove that the instrument is a gentleman or at least a pagliaccio, a clown with a soul. But nobody believes him.
> The Stabilizer on clarinet: Quiet, reflective, he is the most musically learned of the woodwind players, serves as the soothing, sympathetic father confessor to his neighbors.
> The Dandy on flute: A dapper dresser, he is as flighty as his instrument. He mischievously delights in tripping up the conductor with his superior musicianship.
> The Aristocrat on French horn: The class of the brass, he is refined and erudite, is one of the highest-paid members of the orchestra and acts like it. Unlike the other brass players, he has never known the camaraderie of playing in dance bands, and tends to stand aloof. He is adept at organizing strikes and protest movements.