Life and Death in Shanghai

(23 of 29)

became very hot and uncomfortable. When I found it difficult to curl my fingers into a fist, I knew they were swollen. My hands became my sole preoccupation. I wondered how long I would remain manacled like this and how long I could live without food or water. When finally I heard the sound of a guard coming through the outside door, I stood up. ''Are you going to confess?'' a male guard asked. ''No, it's about my hands. They are badly swollen. Could you loosen the handcuffs a bit?'' ''Why don't you confess? If you do, the handcuffs will be taken off.'' In the morning, I was taken back to the interrogation room and told to confess. ''You deserve all you are getting!'' the female guard shouted. ''You are tired of living. I have never seen a prisoner as stubborn and stupid as you!'' A guard finally took me back to my regular cell and said to me, ''Now you will continue your punishment in here.''

UNENDING PAIN

When I was called to the interrogation room the day before, drinking water had just been issued. It was still in the green enameled mug on the edge of the table. Now I bent over the mug, removed the lid by gripping the knob on top of it with my teeth. Then I caught the edge of the mug with my teeth, gradually lowered my body to a squatting position, and tipped the water into my mouth. When the next meal was delivered I had to refuse it, even though I was famished, for I simply did not know how I could eat with my hands handcuffed behind my back. At bedtime, I unrolled my quilt and blanket and spread them over the bed. It was slow work and strenuous. Then I lay down, first on one side with my body weight pressing down on one shoulder and arm. My arm ached. Then I tried to lie on my stomach with my face turned to one side. While I was performing these acrobatics with my hands cuffed behind my back, I never stopped shivering. The room was bitterly cold. It was a long night of misery and suffering. On the third day, the hunger pains in my abdomen miraculously stopped. But I felt very weak. My eyes could no longer focus, and the usual sound of prison activities seemed to grow fainter and fainter.