Life and Death in Shanghai

(17 of 29)

interrogator scowled at me. ''Do you call this a serious effort at self-examination? You gave a statistical record of your life like someone writing down an account of daily expenditures. Why? Because you have something to hide!'' That night I had a nightmare, the first of many: I was on the narrow ledge of a sheer rocky cliff by the sea. The roaring waves of the incoming tide were rising to engulf me. It was pitch dark, I was utterly alone, and I was petrified.

PHYSICAL DETERIORATION

By the middle of December, winter came in earnest. A penetrating north wind swept the city with icy blasts. The window and door of my unheated cell rattled with each gust. I had on both my sweaters and a padded jacket, but still spasms of shivering shook my body. In the icy room, my breath made white, cloudy puffs, and I had to stamp my feet and rub my hands to bring blood to my toes and fingers. Something mysterious was happening outside. As winter turned to spring, I learned that Shanghai was in a constant state of upheaval. One day the newspaper ran a statement attributed to Defense Minister Lin Biao: ''Let us not exaggerate the seriousness of this situation. Many people have committed suicide or been killed. But these deaths are fewer than those incurred during the war against Japan or the Civil War, or even during natural disasters.'' These callous words made me sick with apprehension for Meiping's safety. At the beginning of my second winter at the detention house, I again developed a bad cold, which turned to bronchitis. My body shook with spasms of coughing, particularly severe during the night when the cell became extremely cold. A few nights later a man's voice announced over the loudspeaker that the No. 1 Detention House had been placed under military control. ''Some of you have not confessed,'' he said. ''The policy of our Great Leader Chairman Mao is 'Lenient treatment for those who confess, severe punishment for those who remain stubborn and reward for those who render meritorious service by denouncing others.' Tonight we will deal with some of the outstanding cases here.'' Then he called out one name after another of prisoners sentenced to death because they had not confessed their crimes. With each name the man / shouted at the top of his voice: ''Take him out! Immediate execution!'' His voice was an inhuman roar, charged with cruelty. The thought that this person was now in charge of my fate frightened me.