My colleague Joel Stein let drop a while back that he was working on a book proposal. I found it a bit frustrating that he wouldn't tell me the topic. Joel had been traveling a lot lately too--to Iceland to interview Bjork; to Hollywood for the Oscars--but he was stingy with details. Where was he going? Whom was he hanging with, and how much money was he spending? I've also wondered what kind of websites he surfs. And, O.K., I wouldn't mind reading his e-mail.
So I did.
Joel went out of town recently, which allowed me to duck into his office and install spying software on his hard drive. You can buy commercial spyware these days, but I used VNC, which can be downloaded free. VNC was designed to help people link their own computers. But it also worked as a cheap and easy way for me to keep tabs on Joel. Soon after loading VNC onto my computer, I was rifling through Joel's hard drive.
That book proposal? With a few mouse clicks, it appeared on Joel's screen--and on mine. (Adventures in Monogamy, a 12-chapter comic romp starring...Joel. Mystery solved.) It was also easy to pore over his expense reports, checking out whom he took to dinner in L.A., and what he thinks passes for a legitimate expense. Has Bjork even recorded $112.76 worth of CDs?
Then I--or should I say Joel?--hit the Internet. The great thing about controlling another person's computer is that you can surf the Web as if you were him or her. When you go to a site, his or her IP address--a kind of digital fingerprint--is the one that gets left behind, not yours.
I was going to mess with Joel. Stop by a few investing message boards, and have him break securities law by pumping stocks. Get him trapped by one of those FBI agents who patrol kiddie chat rooms, looking for predators. But in an effort to keep Joel--O.K., both of us--out of jail, I just posted a few items for him on pet newsgroups seeking poodle-grooming tips.
When Joel returned, I could look over his shoulder as he surfed the Net. It was weird but oddly riveting to see his cursor click, click, click its way across my screen. But in the end, there were no busty babes, no Catholic school girls looking for trouble. He actually spent most of his time on CNN.com
Then he started opening his e-mail. The first was from our boss, about Joel's next column. I liked being a snoop in the loop. Another was from Joel's girlfriend's brother asking Joel to score free concert tickets. Then a chain e-mail from a few of our co-workers, with snarky comments about someone else on our floor they evidently don't like. Ah, isn't this what computer spying is all about?
I also had Joel's Social Security number, the keys to the kingdom. Those digits would be enough on some websites to get me a driver's license in his name--and to start a full-scale identity theft. Before long, I could be ruining his credit rating, draining his bank accounts, and--well, you get the idea.
Too bad my editors, darn them, insisted that I tell Joel what I was doing. (I can't help thinking he trashed some good stuff before I started spying.) Not that it would have been difficult to really spy on Joel at his home computer. I could have sent him spyware wrapped in an e-greeting card, programmed to install itself when he opened the card. He'd never know.