If you like spoken-word intros performed in terrible European accents, then this is the tune for you. But as catchy as this Ace of Base–esque radio hit is, it's also pretty depressing. "Alejandro" is about broken hearts and forbidden love — hardly the stuff of beach trips and suntans. And the bleak video, in which a pallid Gaga stomps around in underwear and a PVC nun's habit, would be more appropriate in the dead of winter. Who's Alejandro, anyway?
Top 10 Songs of Summer 2010
What makes a pop confection worth turning the volume up and rolling the windows down? TIME rates a season of singles