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I'm 15 years old, and I've always been a good Catholic boy... who's gay. My question is, why doesn't someone tell the church that if being gay's a choice (which it obviously isn't), then being straight is a choice too?
Also, why aren't gays afforded the civil rights of everybody else? Is it because the majority of people are afraid? I want to be able to be a Boy Scout and not have to worry about being kicked out. I want to be myself! So, just give us the rights now. As for gay marriage, let the states decide for now as it's too controversial. Or, why not just give people the option of becoming a dual citizen with Canada? Thank you for your time.
John Gross
Lake Bluff, Illinois
John, thanks for writing. To answer your first question, you seem both articulate and passionate enough to tell the Catholic Church how you feel.
I'm not sure whether the majority of people are afraid of gays—I doubt it—but there is certainly antigay bigotry that helps explain why gays and straights don't have the same package of rights afforded by the state. Having said that, gays have also made great progress in the last 30 years; I'll give you one example....In the early part of the last presidential race, when Howard Dean was beginning to surge, his support of the "civil unions" law in Vermont, which gave gay couples most of the same rights as straight couples, was said to be evidence of his wacky liberalism. But by the end of the campaign, just a few days before Election Day, President Bush said he could support a civil unions law. So within just one campaign cycle, the debate shifted perceptibly.
Why do you think gay teens don't know more about the lives of gay people who are older and not into the "scene" (which only 1% of us are into)? Most of us have partners, friends, families, careers in the open, etc. We have happy, productive and meaningful lives but they only hear about the loneliness, etc.
Larry Glinzman
Ormond Beach, Fla.
Actually, I met many gay youths—and quote some of them in the story—who know that gay adults generally have happy, productive, and meaningful lives.
I was wondering if you have partner, and how you feel about your sexuality? Are there days when you feel extremely happy or extremely lonely? What characterizes those times?
Lilia
NY, NY
I do have a partner. We have been together for seven years. I feel fine about my sexuality. Yes, some days I am extremely happy—like the days when my stories run on the cover. I can't say that I have been "extremely lonely" since I was in the closet. Thanks for writing.
It seems these Exodus kids are more conflicted by other people's labels and definitions of what "gay" means than by their own attractions. Whose sexuality isn't scary and muddled, hetero- or homo- or in between, as a teen or at middle age? Will we ever be able to teach ourselves that difference and individuality and variety don't necessarily equal wrong or sinful?
Brenda Campbell
Boston, Mass.
I think most people, including most teens, aren't that conflicted about their sexuality. Most gay kids who have come out—87% of them—say they do not want to be straight, according to The New Gay Teenager (Harvard University Press). I agree that differences among people shouldn't be seen as sinful, but evangelicals would say they want gays to be straight not because they are different but because they are defying the Bible (or at least those evangelicals' biblical literalism).
I thought the article was good, but why was so much of it devoted to Exodus and other demented programs to try and get people who are already confused because of the extreme pressure of heterosexual society to "change their sexuality". The psychiactric community says that these programs have no merit and are unscientific and should be closed down. So why was so much of the article given to them without the mainstream psychiactric community input? I am angry as I was raised Mormon and brainwashed into believing my sexuality (gay) was evil. It took incredible strength for me to throw off the chains of organized religion and the crap they spew about sex—which is natural, good and God given (gay or straight)
Kent Peterson
Sarasota, Fla.
Some teenagers—a minority, I think, but some—are confused about their sexuality. Most kids who have same-sex attractions (note that I don't mean most gay-identified kids here, but most kids who say they have some same-sex attractions) have had sex with both boys and girls. Some of these kids are bisexual. Some are just experimenting. Some kids with powerful same-sex attractions who are sexually active with only members of their own sex still do not like to identify as gay. One reason they give is that they don't like gay culture—they see it as being leftist, or all about partying, or all about Cher. These are stereotypes that the kids have, but one point the article tried to make is that the gay culture that lesbian and gay adults have formed over the last few decades doesn't necessarily make sense to a 14-year-old.
The right in general, and programs designed to change homosexuality in particular, have focused unprecedented resources on these uncertain kids since 2000. Exodus has formed a youth group, which now gets a quarter of its budget; the Rev. Jerry Falwell came to speak at the Exodus conference this year for the first time; Focus on the Family is hosting events for hundreds of gay and questioning teenagers and their parents called "Love Won Out." These Love Won Out conferences are designed to reinforce the negative stereotypes that the kids have about gay culture and also to convince these kids that they don't have to claim a gay identity—that they can "walk with Christ" instead.
It would journalistically irresponsible to ignore all of this activity. I'm not sure if you had time to read the entire article before writing, but you will find that it says, early on: "It's important to note that nearly all mental-health professionals agree that trying to reject one's homosexual impulses will usually be fruitless and depressing—and can lead to suicide, according to Dr. Jack Drescher of the American Psychiatric Association, who has studied programs that attempt to alter sexuality."
Thanks for writing.
Thank you for your honest story of gay teens today. I am the mother of a gay teen who came out last year at the age of 17. He is the only one in his school of 1,500 to come out. He has not been persecuted, surprisingly enough. We support our son and love him, and financially we can pay for his college next year. I do like the support the point program provides its scholars. Do they support non-scholarship winners? Is there a network set up for gay college students to get support from the adult gay community in work and life issues?
Barb Medebn
Mayfield Village, Ohio
Thanks for writing. The Point Foundation provides mentoring only to its scholarship winners. Many colleges have LGBT organizations that work with gay adults in their communities to stage events, offer mentoring, and look into allegations of bias on campus.