Diaries of Hope and Hate

(4 of 6)

At midnight there is a call for all the brigade commanders in the sector. During the conversation the commander tells us details of the cease-fire agreement. In the middle of the conversation, I receive reports of gunfire toward the Jewish community in Hebron. It looks as if, for the moment, the agreement does not apply to Hebron. At 2 a.m. the gunfire ceases. It is time to give final orders and go to bed.

Wednesday
SAEB ERAKAT IS YASSER ARAFAT'S CHIEF NEGOTIATOR AND MINISTER OF LOCAL GOVERNMENT. HE LIVES IN JERICHO.

This morning I was really surprised when my nine-year-old son Mohammed began a determined entry into Palestinian-Israeli politics: he asked me why the father of Mohammed al-Durra, the 12-year-old boy killed in Gaza, could not protect his son from the Israeli bullets. Why did [the Israelis] kill him? These days, everybody asks me questions. My daughter Dalal, 18, asked me about her friend Asil, from [the peace group involving Israeli and Palestinian children] Seeds of Peace, who was also killed by the Israelis. Others ask me when the Israelis will lift the closure and siege. When will the airport be opened? All these questions boil down to one, put to me in words and in body language: Is this the peace you are making for us?

I have my own questions. Why are the Israelis stationed here? Why tanks? Why can't they lift the siege and move their soldiers and tanks from the entrance of Palestinian towns, villages and refugee camps? I asked Ambassador Dennis Ross, the U.S. Middle East peace coordinator, all these questions. The more questions I ask, the more I have to answer.

The farmers of Jericho requested a meeting with me. I know the impact of the siege on these farmers: they can't market their vegetables outside Jericho. Most of their crops remained uncultivated. I met with the tourism sector of Jericho, hoteliers and restaurateurs. No one is allowed to enter or leave Jericho. All hotels, restaurants, the cable car that goes up to the Mount of Temptation and the Hisham Palace are closed. This is a total devastation to me. These people voted for me. I am their representative in the Palestinian Legislative Council.

Tension is really high. It was 4 a.m. when I arrived back home. My wife Name'ah was waiting and extremely upset at me. She was screaming at me in every direction. I did not respond. I kept looking at her eyes. She was worried and confused. Then Name'ah asked very gently if I was hungry.

We cannot defend ourselves; we don't have an army, navy or an air force. Our agreements with Israel prevent us from that. Why would they do such a thing? Is it not enough to have tanks, soldiers. We already have more than 100 dead Palestinians and about 3,000 wounded. Palestinians are very angry at this development.

I think back to last week. Then, without any prior warning, the youth of Jericho were on their way to torch the city's "Peace unto Israel" synagogue, a modern structure built above a 7th century Byzantine mosaic floor depicting Jewish symbols. The synagogue is exclusively under Palestinian control. I always use it as an example of how Palestinians and Israelis must live together. I rushed to the place. There were hundreds of people in the crowd. The Palestinian security commander of Jericho was standing in the middle with about 50 policemen, trying very hard to push the crowd back. I stood next to him, held my arms outstretched and began shouting at the crowd, "Don't do that, you can't!" They shouted back, "They are killing us! They are destroying us! They don't want peace! We want them out! Go home! They don't want peace!" I tried again. "Please stop! This is madness. Please, we can't do this!" Suddenly, they stopped and began leaving. I was really surprised. The damage to the building was moderate. The mosaic floor was unharmed. I asked to see the mayor of Jericho. "Please," I told him, "I want you to begin repairing the damage immediately. Please, Mr. Mayor, I would appreciate this very much," I said. Less than one hour later, Israeli helicopters began firing missiles into Jericho. The missiles struck a police warehouse where thousands of uniforms are stored.

The missiles' real impact was not on the warehouse. This time, my son Mohammed, terrified, trembling after the blast, asked me, "Is this the peace you're making for us?" He was weeping in my arms. His tears were much more devastating to me than the Israeli missiles. This is the main reason for the peace process, the future generations of Palestinians and Israelis. I don't want Mohammed to go through what I went through in 1967. I want him to have an alternative. My soul is searching for answers. I am so confused. I am so doubtful.

Thursday
KIYAN KHALED AL-SAYFI, 16, IS A PALESTINIAN SCHOOLGIRL FROM DHEISHEH REFUGEE CAMP IN BETHLEHEM. SHE STUDIES AT A SCHOOL IN THE CAMP RUN BY THE U.N. RELIEF AND WORKS AGENCY.