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Most important, agree virtually all the experts, is that parents keep communicating with their daughters (see box). "It doesn't matter what you tell them," argues Pinsky. "Just get the dialogue going, because when they hit puberty, they'll have questions and they will ask you if they feel comfortable." Nothing is more important than that connection, he says. "It's the child that can't trust adults who is going to do whatever their biological impulses or their peers or the ambient culture suggests to them."
It was family support that got Sharon Carter safely though her bout with early puberty. "I am really very excitable," says her mom, "and I had to get all that under control and make her feel that what she was going through was normal." The result, says Sharon: "I don't remember much about all that. I couldn't go swimming when I had my period. And I still can't, and I love to swim. That's the only difference it made with me."
Angelica Andrews also has her parents watching out for her. Recently, the teenager experienced her first French kiss--but her family knew all about it, and the boy was immediately instructed not to call again until she was 16, or maybe 18. It's unfortunate that such vigilance has become necessary for the families of many 12- and 13-year-olds, whereas a generation ago, most parents could relax until a girl was 16 or 17. But as Angelica puts it, "Welcome to the 21st century."
--Reported by Dan Cray/Los Angeles, Deborah Fowler/Houston, Julie Grace/Chicago, Alison Jones/Durham and Dick Thompson/Washington