ROYAL PAIN
He has just turned 50, has yet to get a real job, is supported by his parents, has a failed marriage, and his mother apparently doesn't like his current girlfriend. If ever a man had cause for a mid-life crisis, it's PRINCE CHARLES. Even his birthday parties were fraught. On Friday, the Queen threw her boy a gala to which she invited 800 people, but not Camilla Parker Bowles. On Saturday, Parker Bowles had a party from which the Queen was conspicuously absent. Never mind. To prove, perhaps, he was a real nifty 50, Charles last week launched his own website, featuring texts of his speeches since 1968 and a description of the official Prince of Wales emblem. (Goshers!) The only cry for help may be in the first line of the site's bio: "The Prince of Wales' title, though ancient, carries no established or formal role."
ON HIS PLANET, HE'S FOXY
Is Academy Award-winning actor F. MURRAY ABRAHAM destined to be Mr. Roarke? Both hosts of Fantasy Island, Ricardo Montalban and Malcolm McDowell, have also played villains in Star Trek movies. Now Abraham has donned the latex for Star Trek: Insurrection. He plays Ru'afo, an alien Peter Pan. "Ru'afo's like so many of us who never want to grow old," says the actor, "but he takes it to terrible extremes, like some of these awful face-lifts you see in Hollywood." His own facial regimen--four hours of makeup daily--did have its perks: "Being really ugly can be a great way to pick up women."
DOES PAVAROTTI ACT?
Have we learned nothing from William Shatner? Danny DeVito, Michael Keaton and Jennifer Love Hewitt have all earnestly recorded songs for the sound tracks of their new movies:
[Danny DeVito]
SONG TITLE/MOVIE TITLE They Can't Take That Away from Me/Living Out Loud
MOST LIKELY TO BE APPRECIATED BY Rhea Perlman
MOST MISLEADING ENDORSEMENT "He gives Sinatra a run for his money." --Richard LaGravenese, the film's director
THE FILM & SINGING HAVE IN COMMON They're underwhelming
[Michael Keaton]
[SONG TITLE/MOVIE TITLE] Frosty the Snowman/Jack Frost
[MOST LIKELY TO BE APPRECIATED BY] People who bought their own copies of Mr. Mom
[MOST MISLEADING ENDORSEMENT] "He's a pretty good blues artist." --Troy Miller, the film's director
[THE FILM & SINGING HAVE IN COMMON] They're curious
[Jennifer Love Hewitt]
[SONG TITLE/MOVIE TITLE] How Do I Deal/I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
[MOST LIKELY TO BE APPRECIATED BY] Teenage boys watching the song's video with the sound turned off
[MOST MISLEADING ENDORSEMENT] "I think people will be surprised she can really sing." --David Foster, the song's producer
[THE FILM & SINGING HAVE IN COMMON] They're scary
THE HEMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES