ONE MOTHER'S STORY

HOW DID LOUISE BECOME THE HERO AND I BECOME THE VILLAIN?

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TIME: Your feelings about Louise?

Eappen: I wanted to be sympathetic at the beginning. At the hospital, I was making excuses for her. I wanted to believe Louise didn't do it. I asked the doctors 10 times if there was any other explanation. But Louise did it. There was no previous skull fracture. She doesn't seem to have a conscience. She has lied so much, she probably even believes what she's saying. It is incredible. Everyone else was lying but Louise? I was horrified. The whole thing [in court] was so orchestrated it was disgusting.

TIME: Would your feelings about Louise be different if she had apologized after Matthew died?

Eappen: The fact that she showed no remorse is very offensive. I really wonder whether she cares about anyone else but herself. You know, after she was found guilty, she said, "How can you do this to me? I'm only 19." Well, my response was, 'How could you do that to Matthew? He was only 8 1/2 months.' Now Louise is living in a presidential suite in that hotel. She is a convicted felon, and it has turned into the biggest opportunity in her life.

TIME: How much of the public response has been negative?

Eappen: About 1% of our mail is hate mail; the rest has been very supportive. We have put up with so much abuse--of ourselves, of our home, our kids. We are not vengeful people, but we have a strong sense of right and wrong and of justice. It makes you come out stronger than you wanted to be. Our innocence is lost. We will never trust the same way again, and we were very trusting people.

TIME: What about the statement you made saying you hoped Louise never had the joy of having her own kids?

Eappen: She had told me once she did not want kids of her own. So that was why I said that. And if she ever had that joy, I don't think she deserves it. I can have a bad feeling about her. That's an honest feeling I have.

TIME: Why did you decide in 1995 to give up the offer to become chief resident and pass up the fellowship for pediatric ophthalmology?

Eappen: It was a great opportunity to be chief resident. It was a prestigious position, leading to an academic career, and there is a lot of pressure to stay on track. But I had decided to have children, and I wanted to work part-time--but you know you're giving something up with a decision like that.

TIME: Your future plans?

Eappen: For the moment we are going to stay in Boston. I am going to work two days a week. I am really exhausted. I most look forward to going to bed. But I think it is helpful to help people. It's a good way to channel some energy into something positive. When I was working, I felt good about myself--good self-esteem--and a happy mother makes happy children. I don't want to feel like Louise can defeat our happiness.

TIME: Do you want to have more children?

Eappen: I definitely plan to have more. But child care, that's going to be a difficult issue. I don't have as many options as other people now. Before, we had had two wonderful au pairs, but you really don't know what someone is doing when you are not there.

TIME: How do you feel about the case now?

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