In an exclusive interview with TIME, Ellen DeGeneres talks about coming out, staying in and not wanting to be "the lesbian actress"
TIME: So, for the record, are you yourself gay?
Ellen DeGeneres: Yes. You're the first person that I've--I mean I knew that I was going to--that was one of the things when I decided to have my character on the show come out, I knew I was going to have to come out too. But I didn't want to talk about it until the show was done. And you know, I watched my friend Melissa [Etheridge] come out, and she became "the lesbian rock star." I never wanted to be "the lesbian actress." I never wanted to be the spokesperson for the gay community. Ever. I did it for my own truth.
TIME: Why now?
DeGeneres: I don't think I could have done this a long time ago, and I don't think people would have accepted it as readily as they do now. Now I feel comfortable with myself, and I don't have to be fearful about something damaging my career if it gets out, because now I'm in control of it--sort of. No one can hurt me now.
TIME: What was harder, this or coming out to your family?
DeGeneres: This. I mean, I don't understand a fear of coming out to your friends and family. I've been really lucky. I have a really great family. I have parents who understand. My mother understands, now even more so. My father is supportive. My dad said the most hilarious thing when I told him what I was going to do on the show. He said, "You're not going to go all flamboyant, are ya?" I was like, "Yeah, Dad, I'm going to completely change. I'm going to start wearing leather vests. I'm going to get one of those haircuts that they all have."
TIME: Is being gay something you struggled with?
DeGeneres: No. I ignored it because I didn't really know what it was until I was 18 years old. I dated guys. I liked guys. But I knew that I liked girls too. I just didn't know what to do with that. I thought, "If I were a guy I'd go out with her." And then I thought, "Well, I don't want to be a guy, really." So I went, "Oh, well," and just went on with my life. My first gay experience was literally someone else's idea--I was freaked out even by the thought of it. And I thought that was one experience and it was just her, and I started dating guys again, thinking, "Well, I just need to meet the right one." Never could, really.
TIME: So when did you finally give up?
DeGeneres: Let's see, today's April what...? No, I questioned it up until probably eight years ago or so. But I haven't gone out with a guy since I was 20. [She's now 39.]
TIME: Are you involved with anybody now?
DeGeneres: I just met somebody. This appears to be something I want to last forever, if it can.
TIME: Now that you're out, are you mad that X or Y in the entertainment industry isn't out too?