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The term "Wall Street" will become archaic slang, like Route 66--instead we'll refer to "Marquette Avenue," home of the Minnesota Stock Exchange. The big entrepreneurs--the Buffetts, the Eisners, the Gateses--will jet off to Minnesota to line up financing for their future moves. And one day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned--lock, stock and roulette wheel--by Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.
Most Americans have never imagined such a project, and that's why they have so many questions about it.
Q. Will Excelsior require state or local tax abatements, so the taxpayers wind up subsidizing the whole thing?
A: No way.
Q: Isn't there a danger of environmentalists blocking the project with a bunch of nuisance lawsuits?
A: $17.5 trillion buys some powerful legal talent.
Q: Won't Minnesota be forced to share this windfall with its neighbors, such as Wisconsin, Michigan and Ontario?
A: See answer above.
Q: Whatever is Minnesota going to do with all that money ?
A: Create a social utopia, of course: a state with vast libraries, sports centers, every home wired for interactive television, cradle-to-coffin health care and unemployment benefits equal to your previous year's salary paid until you're 68.
Q: What will you do when the money runs out?
A: It won't. Minnesota is sitting on a lot of water. It has more lakes than there are names to call them--for example, there are 40 Round Lakes, 33 Big Lakes, 19 Sandy Lakes and 14 Green Lakes--so Minnesota can earn billions more by selling off these duplicates.
Q: How can I become a Minnesota resident?
A: Thirty days is all it takes. That and four recommendations from current residents.
Lake Superior is a valuable asset, but the Superior Canyon will prove to be even more valuable than the lake was, according to people familiar with the situation.
"Look," says one of the resource-management planners, jabbing his finger at a graph. "Lake Superior isn't much of a tourist attraction. Who wants to come and look at 31,820 sq. mi. of water? Nobody. The water's too cold for swimming, and frankly, lakes don't draw like canyons do. Ask Lake Mead. Lakes only draw fishermen, a bunch of owly guys who drive in, buy a six-pack of beer and a bologna sandwich. Canyons draw families. And the Superior Canyon, without a doubt, will outdraw the Grand. It's bigger, for one thing, plus it has islands and sites of famous shipwrecks. You'll have a monorail tour of the sites with crumpled hulls of ships. Very respectful. But a major draw."