(5 of 5)
And just as troubled au pairs are recycled, so are problem families. The McManamys provided temporary shelter to two AuPairCare hires, both in flight from the same couple. The first au pair complained of a domineering husband and a jealous wife. Her successor charged that the husband had made sexual advances and the wife had refused to speak to her. Becky, who helped the first go home and the second find a better job, says the agency failed to assist in either case. More common, an agency will attribute the problem to "incompatibility," and try to rematch both sides of the equation.
While agencies don't deny that problems arise, they stress that happy endings are far more common than horror stories. And that, no doubt, is true. Thos and Lisa Paine of Belle Mead, New Jersey, for instance, have had mostly happy outcomes with their nine au pairs. "We worked with them to try to accommodate their schedule," says Thos. "We always invited them to spend holidays with us and got them presents." The Paines also never forgot that they were dealing with kids, not mature nannies. Like many couples, they have suffered their share of fender benders, missed curfews and boyfriend woes. "You come down and find people groping on the couch," Thos laughs. "If you can't handle the hormones, don't get into the program."
The Paines and other satisfied host families caution that everyone needs to be more clear-eyed. They urge families to interview applicants by phone, check out references and bear in mind that families will get from the experience what they put into it. Despite their own checkered history, the McManamys say when it works well, the program can serve both the au pairs who want an affordable adventure abroad and the families who need affordable child care. "When you have a good au pair, it's a benefit to the household," says T.J. And, Becky adds, "It's a sad day when a good one leaves."