(4 of 5)
Freud believed that human beings are bisexual to begin with -- polymorphous perverse, as he put it -- but become heterosexual or homosexual because of their early experiences of love and sensation. Bisexual as well as gay men often report having distant, aloof fathers, leading to speculation that homosexual behavior is in some aspect a search for male nurturing that has become eroticized. Researcher John Money of Johns Hopkins University compares the acquisition of sexual orientation to learning to speak. "You did not have a native language on the day you were born," he explains. "But by the age of five, you'd got it. When it's set, it's set, and there's nothing you can do about it."
Culture is undoubtedly important as well. "It's a lot like eating," says Richard Parker, professor of medical anthropology and human sexuality at the State University of Rio de Janeiro. "We all have an urge to feed ourselves. But whether we like Thai food or American meat and potatoes depends on where our tastes and appetites develop. Some cultures develop a taste for spicy food, and it is largely the same for sexuality."
According to Kinsey, sexuality is a continuum. On the heterosexual-to- homosex ual scale of 0 to 6 that he devised, only 50% of male subjects can be classified as exclusively straight and 4% exclusively gay. Sharrard falls right in the middle of the Kinsey scale, equally attracted to men and women, but such balance is rare. Tessina calls herself a 2, mostly heterosexual.
Some bisexuals have a stronger physical passion or romantic longing for one sex. Eric, 31, a journalist in San Francisco, has sex with women and men, but "I experience more emotional intensity with men." Other bisexuals, like John Craig or Sarah Listerud, find that attraction varies over time, even taking on an almost cyclical quality.
To Eric, bisexuality "enhances the human experience. You get a fuller, richer sexual life. Other men plow through life without understanding the parts of themselves that are feminine." Bisexuals often claim to be more sensitive and empathic lovers. "There is some truth in that," says psychologist William Wedin, director of New York City's Bisexual Information and Counseling Service. "Part of being bisexual means that you see things from more than one perspective. You can't be comfortable in stereotypical ways of thinking and reacting."
Still, many bisexuals, especially men, are racked by discomfort and conflict. About two-thirds of bisexual men are married, notes Wedin, and discovery that a husband is involved with other men can easily wreck a marriage. The husband feels humiliated, and the wife betrayed, not so much by his having sex with men as by his having gone outside the marriage.
Jason, 37, a Seattle architect, avoided deceit by disclosing his bisexuality before his marriage. "We talked about our marriage vows because I did not want to say 'I will forsake all others.' I couldn't vow monogamy." But he is faithful to his wife in one sense: his outside liaisons are limited to men, and only one at a time. "Besides, I can't handle too many emotional relationships at a time. You can get burned out."