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The idea is hardly new. The origins of matchmaking go back to antiquity, springing from the custom, once common in Europe and the Orient, of arranged marriages. Even today in the U.S. the Old World custom persists: Manhattan marriage broker Dan Field says he is often consulted by parents who want him to arrange a match for their children. But what is becoming more common in the U.S. is the gold-card matchmaker for the affluent among those 43 million unmarried Americans between 18 and 44. "Across America," says San Francisco matchmaker Barbara Tackett, "there are people making $35,000 a year who will pay $3,500 to a matchmaker without blinking an eye."
There is the inevitable criticism that "this is a fakey way to meet," admits Stern, "because love should hit you like a lightning bolt." Well, she insists, it doesn't. "The chances of meeting somebody nowadays in urban areas who is real suitable for you and who is going to be on your level in terms of intelligence and your life goals has got to be 1 in 1,000." Pamela Lloyd, a 30-year-old M.B.A. at a Chicago corporate real estate services firm, agrees. "It's hit or miss. All the men I met couldn't accept intelligence in a woman or that she might be making more money than they were." In desperation she went to Personal Profiles. Her first six dates had "no chemistry," but then she met railroad engineer William Lloyd, 40. Both are Roman Catholics and avid environmentalists, shared beliefs that helped produce sparks, resulting in their marriage last April. Says Pamela: "Bill met all of my criteria."
The idea that sharing makes good pairing came to Stern during four years of observing marital customs in Taiwan, where her then husband was working for a U.S. bank. A native of Scotland and a graduate of the University of Aberdeen, she had met her future husband, an American, while studying in France. She returned to the U.S. from Taiwan in 1976 and, following her divorce, enrolled in law school in Chicago and later joined a law firm. In early 1982 she opened Personal Profiles. "In Taiwan the matchmaking philosophy was that love would grow and be based on respect and comfort, that you don't necessarily have to have an ongoing sexual passion in marriage."
Every month Stern, who herself was married this year, spends a week selecting possible matches for her clients, trying to find a pattern of likenesses, rather like assembling a multidimensional jigsaw puzzle. Much of the rest of her time is spent advising on anxieties of the heart: most members are very definite about a potential partner's height, build and age. Already members have gone through a fairly rigorous selection process: they must have incomes over $30,000 a year (unless they are students) and have a university degree (self-made people excepted). All are questioned about sexual diseases, particularly AIDS, although no tests are required. Some face automatic rejection -- the obese, chain smokers and women over 60 -- because, says Stern, "we simply don't have people to match them with."