Someone will do it. Some rube of an American photographer, strangling in the only necktie he owns, will shout, "Hey, Queen!" Some reporter, his thought processes numbed by majesty, will panic and address her first, which is Not Done, and then compound his blunder by asking her views on Prince Andrew's American girlfriend, former Soft-Porn Actress Koo Stark. Somebody will break commonly observed protocol—royals are not to be photographed taking nourishment—and shoot a picture of her doing the unthinkable to a Parker House roll.
No such amiably meant awkwardness, however, could spoil the monthlong royal road show that began last week in Jamaica and proceeded to the Cayman Islands, to Mexico, and on toward the wilds of California (see following story). Queen Elizabeth II is nearly unflappable as star and stage manager of the Windsor family troupe, and her husband Prince Philip, though he sometimes indulges in grumpy asides, has a useful comic gift and a scene-saving knack for improvisation. (Jamaicans last week admiringly recalled an occasion during the royal couple's 1975 visit when one profoundly confused male official approached the Queen and, instead of bowing, curtsied. The Prince, to help the man out of his embarrassment, good-humoredly curtsied back.) Queen and consort played expertly to easy audiences in the Caribbean, and faced a Mexican public eager for distraction from its peso troubles. At week's end the royal couple could look forward to their accustomed favorable reviews from royalty-dazzled democrats in the U.S.
How welcome the good notices will be. The fact is that those at home have caused great consternation in recent weeks. And what seems most surprising is that much of the press rancor has lashed about the lovely head of the nation's new royal sweetheart, the Princess of Wales. Fleet Street's raucous tabloids, whose scuffling reporters and photographers first caught and transmitted the "Shy Di" craze, now clearly believe that the Princess is the creation and rightful property of the press. The newspapers praise or torment her according to their own royal whims, and rage when she balks at posing prettily. Diana is in the acutely uncomfortable position of being the world's most gawked-at celebrity, "bigger than Streisand, bigger than the Beatles," according to veteran London Sun Photographer Arthur Edwards. Fanciful stories about her that allege illness, marital squabbles or other bad behavior are weapons in British newspaper circulation wars. Freelance "monkeys"—paparazzi—can make unexpected windfalls with snatched pictures.