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Monsieur Marc, 50, a white-haired Belgian who presides over a chandelier-lit salon on Manhattan's East 65th Street, sees considerable variety in his clients' current styles. "We have very elegant women and sporty women," says Monsieur Marc, stroking Tanya, the German shorthair that has the run of the place. "They might arrive in an evening gown or they might come in an exercise suit. They behave like ladies." Adds one of his colorists, Alain: "They set high standards. After all, what else is there?"
DEAR Miss MANNERS: Some time ago, a lady was dancing with her male friend at the White House and her under-slip dropped off on the dance floor, and the lady just kept dancing as if nothing had happened. Was this the proper thing for the lady to do?
GENTLE READER: Yes, the thing to do is to ignore it. A general rule of etiquette is that one apologizes for the unfortunate occurrence, but the unthinkable is unmentionable.
It is perilous, of course, for anyone less sagacious than Alexis de Tocqueville to make generalizations about American manners. Men and women often have wildly different ideas about what is courteous behavior; so do the young and the old, whites and blacks, smokers and nonsmokers. Regional differences are strong, and so are those between large cities and smaller ones. Despite a general decline in courtesy in recent decades, many Southerners pride themselves on having retained quite formal manners; New Yorkers, by contrast, take a perverse pride in their fellow citizens' rudeness.
Southern Californians cherish a style unlike anything elsewhere. One Hollywood hostess, Stacey Winkler, 36, wife of Henry ("the Fonz") Winkler, is noted for her elaborate invitations. She summoned guests to a Halloween party, for example, by writing messages on the sides of pumpkins, wrapping the pumpkins in ribbons, and having them delivered by a chauffeur in a ghost costume. She was dismayed, on the other hand, when a hired bartender arrived in a tuxedo; she immediately sent him home to change into Bermuda shorts. "No one who knows us," she says proudly, "would wear a tie to one of our parties."
In less ebullient communities, the rules are quite different. Susan Turley, a corporate speechwriter in Memphis, says she has often been "given grief for wearing pants." As for formal dinners, she goes on, "the big thing these days is white linen, shined crystal, elegance all over the place—and then after dinner, take off your shoes, lie down on the floor, and play Trivial Pursuit all evening. I guess what's significant is that Trivial Pursuit just hit Memphis about a month ago." Comments an employee at an advertising agency: "You ask me about nightclubs? There are no nightclubs in Memphis. My God, we just heard of fettucini here in June."