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Finally meet Dr. Rick Webber. He is efficient, take-charge type. Conscience of the hospital. Upright as a tent pole. He and staff worry about overtaxing their facilities during the cold snap. In the basement of a nearby beanery called Kelly's, a blond named Rose has a hunk named Hutch hidden in the cellar between shelves of preserves. His shoulders are as wide as the passing lane on a freeway, and he seems to be a criminal. A flashback however, shows him telling a young boy, "Don't make friends with bad guys," so suspect he just may be misunderstood. Police are looking for Hutch. Babies in the hospital are ailing. The nurses all wear sweaters and wonder what's causing the crazy weather. All this to quivery music that is part Isaac Hayes (Shaft) and part Milton DeLugg (Junior Miss Pageant). It occurs to me that perhaps my doctor is mad.
Day 2. Woke in a cold sweat, refrain ringing in my ears, "No one's feeling well/At General Hospital." Waking nightmare turned out to be clock radio, playing General Hospital by Joanne Cipolla and her Planet Street band. Hear that ABC has not taken kindly to the song. Sued Composer Cipolla for "copyright infringement" and "trademark dilution," asking $500,000 damages. Cipolla countersued ABC citing "unfair competition and unlawful interference." As new episode flickers on, everyone at the hospital is concerned about the steadily sinking temperatures. Dr. Rick Webber remains the calm eye in the snowstorm, making emergency plans. Government types plead with adamant Cassadine: "Give us time, give us time, in all human decency." Cassadine sneers and adjusts his blazer. Luke and Laura penetrate his defenses, disguise themselves in coveralls and helmets and strike bizarre resemblance to two exterminators posing for Vogue. Next clear memory is of national anthem and test pattern. Frightened.
Day 3. Dare not sleep. Morning news offers no respite. Gossip columnist announces Gloria Monty negotiating with Elizabeth Taylor for several guest appearances as Mrs. Mikkos Cassadine. Would she have to wear bangs? Sports pages report Amos Otis and Clint Hurdle of the Kansas City Royals are taping a segment. Can they hit the long ball in subzero climate? New episode offers no clues. Dr. Rick Webber organizes emergency medical triages. Nurses hug themselves. Cassadine talks about "carbonic snow." Luke tells Cassadine he is "intelligent: but misguided." Minions knock him to floor. but Cassadine postpones coup de grâce. Insists he will "defend" himself, hinting at long monologue of scientific explanation and political elucidation. Thought is too terrible to contemplate. Do not wait for credits. Reconnect phone, call for paramedics.
I write this as they arrive. Help at last. Nurses are here. They wear . . . sweaters. Doctor smiles disarmingly. Just time to notice name on plastic ID badge: Dr. Rick Webber. —By Jay Cocks