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The very notion of childhood was rather different from our notion of it. Children were dressed in smaller versions of adult clothes and, from the toddler stage on, were taught to obey their parents, pray long and hard to God—and fear his retribution. The father ruled the family, handing down orders to wife and children alike. The minister's words were given enormous respect. Church lasted many hours, not one, and was very much at the center of the family's life. Children were not coaxed, begged, bargained with; they were told and expected to respond immediately. Hell was believed to exist and to be full of properly suffering sinners. Even the most gentle and kind of parents feared hell for themselves and for their children, unless they learned to abide by the Ten Commandments and Christ's teaching.
Not that there was no gentleness and compassion shown children. Even Cotton Mather, that stern Calvinist moralist, loved his children and tried to be attentive and considerate toward them; certainly he showed them affection and even a humorous side of his personality. But especially in New England, children were held to strict account. A parent's love was measured by his or her sternness, though historical accounts show mothers less demanding and more acquiescent than fathers—and Southerners far more easygoing than Northerners. In fact, among the Southern gentry, children were virtually handed over to an assorted collection of nurses, tutors and servants who catered to their needs, taught them good manners and civility, how to ride, hunt, shoot, how to read the contemporary equivalent (the classics) of the right books. Usually the children were brought in to be with their parents for only an hour or two at night.