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What really differentiates a Val from a bobby-soxer or a preppie is, say, her arcane argot and the enunciation that goes with it. Suddenly, as if she's been taking total immersion courses in Lower Slobbovian, the neo-PAV communicates in a strange new language. It is culled from 1960s surfer slang and hippie lingo, black street jargon, etymological reversals (a vicious dude is a real buf babe, or someone desirable; groovy means out of fashion), some vividly onomatopoeic neologisms (like rolf for vomit, scarf-out for overeat), or is just plain spacey (zod, spaz, goober or geek, all meaning weird). The wackiness of the verbiage is accentuated by the blase enunciation, a special way of talking that combines a pinched nasal drawl with a high-pitched song rhythm. Many declarative sentences are delivered as sardonic questions. Omigod can be stretched over two octaves, while totally is expelled through clenched teeth, with the emphasis on the first syllable. "I'm shurr," the ultimate rejection, is mumbled in a marinade of sarcasm. The words and phrases themselves are as ephemeral as a Val Gal's passions — as if they had a Poindexter (brainy nerd) stashed somewhere cranking out hot new ones. Onetime Val staples that are now Joanie (passé) include bitchen and tubular, adjectives of approbation borrowed from surfing. In words are bud sess (pronounced sesh) for a pot smoke, cas (pronounced caj) for casual ("real caj dude"), skanky (gross), rad (excellent) and bufu (homosexual). Val-speak renews itself almost daily.
The most revealing exploration of the species to date is The Valley Girls' Guide to Life by Mimi Pond, a paperback to be published by Dell in October. A California-reared writer and cartoonist who moved to Manhattan this year, Pond has a hi-fi ear for Valspeak stream of consciousness and its nuances, as well as an affection for her subjects. She notes, for example, that soccer is the Val's favorite sport" 'cause all the dudes are total babes, like not all gross like football players, and the best part is they wear those totally darling shorts and have cute butts." And, of course, there is always the mall: "Shopping is the funnest thing to do, 'cause, O.K., clothes? They're important. Like for your image and stuff. Like I'm sure. Everything has to match. Like everything. And you don't want to wear stuff that people don't wear. People'd look at you and just go, 'Ew, she's a zod,' like get away. And you have to brush your hair a lot in case any guys walk by."
Psychologists would probably explain Valism as just another way of allaying adolescent insecurities. It may help. Like a PAV observes in The Valley Girls' Guide to Life: "Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you." —By Michael Demarest.
Reported byAlessandra Stanley/Los Angeles