"Good news," began the letter postmarked Bath, Ohio. "Did you know your family has an exclusive, particularly beautiful coat of arms?" Such news would not be much of a revelation to the Du Fonts, Lowells, Saltonstalls or other aristocratic U.S. families. But the Difatta family of Chicago was surprised to hear the news. So, too, was J.D. Johnson of Oxon Hill, Md., who puts an "R.Ph." (for "registered pharmacist") after his signature. His letter read: "Good news for the R-PH family..."
Letters such as these, mistakes and all, are being delivered to hundreds of thousands of homes as a growing number of companies try to cash in on the profitable business of mail-order heraldry. Some of the firms claim to have extensive libraries consisting of thousands of documented coats of arms. Halbert's Inc. of Bath, Ohio, one of the largest and most aggressive companies, will produce (on pseudo parchment) "the earliest known coat of arms registered to a person with the same surname" —for a mere $2. When there is no known coat of arms for a family, Halbert's will create one using heraldic symbols that suggest the family's country of origin. Italian-sounding names, for example, might be represented by a cross, French by a fleur de lis, and Irish by a harp. Boasts Halbert's president, Dennis Haslinger: "We use everything from lions rampant to eagles fessant." If the customer likes the design, he can order more expensive models, including a $350 deluxe version called "Cathedral Oak" that consists of a 22-in.-high coat of arms mounted on a hand-carved board.
Boston's Sanson Institute of Heraldry puts coats of arms on everything from blazer patches ($14.95) to watches ($49.95). The American Heraldry Foundation in Clearwater, Minn., has a different approach. For a $39.95 fee, customers can suggest the motif of their shields. The Beihoffers, a farming family from Buffalo Lake, Minn., for example, picked a horse and plowshare and a spool of thread (sewing is Opal Beihoffer's hobby) for their coat of arms; because marriage and the home are important to the family, they also chose a pair of intertwined rings and a front door (see cut). Says Marketing Manager James Sutton: "We got one request from a swine breeder. He didn't want just any pig, but his breed with its distinctive characteristics on the shield."
There are some corporate customers, usually liquor companies anxious to upgrade their image with a coat of arms. But the vast majority are ordinary citizens, most of them without any noteworthy lineage. Explains Halbert's Haslinger: "People get their shields because they are turned off by being a social security number. They want to remind themselves that they are something special." Adds Ken Kandler, president of Sanson's: "We sell instant ego."