Pat & Kick
Sirs:
TO TIME, FOR ADMITTING THAT MUCH OF THE ESSENTIAL WORK IN LOUISIANA WAS UNDONE BEFORE HUEY P. LONG BECAME GOVERNOR TWELVE YEARS AGO, A PAT ON THE HEAD.
TO TIME FOR IMPLYING THAT HIGH-HATTED SWEET-SMELLING CORPORATION LAWYER SAM JONES HAS A CHANCE TO WIN LOUISIANA'S DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION FOR GOVERNOR ON FEB. 20, A KICK IN THE PANTS. . . .
IF TIME IS RIGHT AND I AM WRONG AND SAM JONES WINS, I WILL GO TO NEW YORK, CLIMB A FLAGPOLE ON TIME-LIFE BUILDING, AND AT HIGH NOON ON FEB. 29 I WILL CHEW UP AND EAT ONE COMPLETE ISSUE OF TIME.
BUT IF I AM RIGHT AND TIME IS WRONG AND EARL LONG WINS THEN TIME'S EDITOR . . .
WILL COME TO NEW ORLEANS AND EAT ONE ISSUE OF THE "AMERICAN PROGRESS" WHICH WILL BE COOKED AND SEASONED FOR HIM BY THAT PEERLESS NEW ORLEANS RESTAURATEUR, MONSIEUR ROY ALCIATORE OF ANTOINE'S. I ASSURE TIME THAT THE GREAT ALCIATORE CAN EVEN MAKE A SOUFFLÉ OUT OF AN EIGHT-PAGE NEWSPAPER.
JOHN D. KLORER
Editor
American Progress
New Orleans, La.
> TIME makes no bets. —ED.
Again, Viskniskki
Sirs:
I have just read your reply, in your issue of Jan. 29, to my letter of Jan. 12. Thank you for letting me have back the first K in my name. Thank you for restoring at least a few hairs to my head. Thank you for adding a month to my stay in Philadelphia. And thank you for giving Stanley Walker more salary. But how self revealing you are when, in an attempt to hold on to $1,000 of TIME'S money, you resort to the ancient device of calling names and take refuge behind a purported statement of an unnamed porter given you second hand. How far short you have fallen in the art of accurate reporting the following affidavits by two Evening Public Ledger executives will make all too plain:
I, the undersigned, Ellwood T. Maull, do hereby swear that early in November I instructed the porter supplying paper towels to the Editorial Men's wash room on the third floor of the Ledger building to discontinue the use of the middle of three— paper dispensers installed in that room.
This was done without any report, suggestion or recommendation from Colonel Guy T. Viskniskki or any of his associates.
(Signed) E. T. MAULL
Chief Engineer
Attest:
John C. A. Rigney
Notary Public
I, the undersigned, A. C. Hampson, do hereby swear that prior to any report, suggestion or recommendation from Colonel Guy T. Viskniskki or any of his associates, I asked Mr. Maull to eliminate whatever actual waste of supplies he could, throughout the plant, specifically mentioning the seemingly excessive use of paper towels.
(Signed) A. C. HAMPSON
Business Manager
Attest:
John C. A. Rigney
Notary Public
... As for the check for $5 you say you are sending me for "pointing out minor inaccuracies" in your story of Jan. 15, it will be returned to you by registered mail when received. I've never considered myself very bright, but I just cannot be so dumb as to accept this particular sum from TIME.
GUY T. VISKNISKKI
Evening Public Ledger
Philadelphia, Pa.
> TIME makes no bets.—ED.
Sirs: