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One trend that takes all the surprise out of giving between spouses is the "stag shop" set up by many department stores. The wife comes in to fill out file cards listing several things she would like, and the husband dutifully appears to declare how much he can spend—and to make out his card, which his wife later uses as a guide. "Why not?" asked one woman in Seattle, setting down a description of a beige mink pillbox hat. "The year I didn't fill out a card, my husband gave me a sink garbage disposer." The system would have forestalled the contretemps of O'Henry's young husband and wife in his celebrated story of mismatched sacrifice, The Gift of the Magi. But if the art of giving is to survive, there ought to be room for such mistakes—and such sentimentalists.
In that ever-widening circle of giving outside the family, Christmas sometimes takes on an aspect of the potlatch, a ceremony of the Kwakiutl Indians of the Pacific Northwest, during which the chiefs showered gifts on each other. Their object was to surpass a rival in generosity, and to crush him under future obligations. To avoid this nowadays, ground rules must be observed. Within an office, the first move must come from the superior—and if the subordinate responds with a gift, it should be clearly less valuable.
Equally delicate is the choice of gift for people one knows but would like to know better. Here too, the need is for something that expresses warmth but nothing so intense as to be thought presumptuous—perhaps the silver thingumajig of indeterminate value but clearly stamped "Tiffany." The wrong but frequently observed rule is that a gift for a rich friend-acquaintance has to be relatively expensive, while the present for a friend of lower income can be relatively cheap. Thus, the giver often finds himself sulkily spending more on those who enjoy it less. Actually, any present for someone richer than the giver should be pointedly inexpensive but thoughtful, like hand-knitted ear muffs.
Knowledge of the other person is essential to good giving, but here, as in other areas, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. The information that someone is a music lover is insufficient. Unless his exact tastes are known, it is fatal to give him a recording (he is bound to have or to hate the Callas version of Tosca you have chosen). One ready but unfortunate way to avoid such pitfalls is the all-purpose gift. And even here, care should be taken; the generally safe basket of gourmet food may play havoc with a dieter.
Self & Skill