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"I'm nervous like a race horse," agrees Rubinstein. "I can only do some silly thing—sip orange juice, cut my nails, make a little exercise on the piano. But once I pass the door on to the stage, all my energies get together and I become as quiet as possible. I always look for my receiver at the beginning of a concert. I sincerely believe in magnetic emanations—ESP, mediums—all of it. Once I find my receiver—it can be anyone, a sexy young girl, an old man—I play to him. The rest of the audience assists."
Happiness Is Living. Looking back, Rubinstein realizes now what a pitiable thing it was to try to snuff out his life on that day nearly 60 years ago. "When I went out into the street," he recalls, "I came back from death. I was reborn. I suddenly realized what a damn fool I had made of myself. There were people moving through the street, dogs were running around, flowers were growing in a little park—it was a wonderful, divine show. I learned then that happiness is not smiling or having money or being in good health, although those are conditions worth having. Happiness really is only living, taking life on its own terms.
"I'm passionately involved in life; I love its change, its color, its movement. To be alive, to be able to speak, to see, to walk, to have houses, music, paintings—it's all a miracle. I have adopted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle. Music is not a hobby, not even a passion with me. Music is me. I feel what people get out of me is this outlook on life, which comes out in my music. My music is the last expression of all that. I think I can say no man has lived his life more fully than I have. I think it's late enough in the day for me to have the right to say it: My life is made. If I die today, still, I had it. Nobody can say I've been deprived of anything."
Such philosophical musings actually are rare for Rubinstein. After all, his first 50 years were only a prelude; the 29 years that followed produced the mature artist. By that standard, he is still young. "Thanks to belatedly picking up the piano," he says, "I have become more and more conscientious. I have an enormous margin of unfinished business." He adds with a twinkle: "That's why I can still make at my age a great deal of progress." And there he goes, bright as a trill, hat cocked over an eye, Brahms and Mozart and Chopin singing in his head—off to play another concert.
* Who is now married to Yale University Chaplain William Sloane Coffin Jr. The other children are Paul, 31, advertising manager for the RCA Victor Red Seal records; Alina, 21, a French literature major at New York University; and John, 19, a drama major at U.C.L.A.