Draftsman's Apprentice. In Birdham, England, Alan Tamplin, inventor of a 54-gallon, radio-controlled beer barrel (at the flick of a dial it rolls out of the house and across the lawn to where the operator is sitting, fills his glass, returns to the house), permitted a friend to operate the barrel, suffered a crushed toe when the barrel rolled out of control.
Escape Hatch. In Portland, Ore., chased by police as he wove down the sidewalk on his motorcycle, James V. Garvey tried to get away by veering into a bar, was caught when the handle bars proved too narrow for the saloon door.
Defense Rests. In Covington, Ky., Prosecutor James E. Quill's case against Cafe Owner Joseph Martin for receiving stolen goods collapsed when Quill discovered that the police had accidentally sold at auction the stolen goods that Martin was accused of receiving.
Short Snorter. In Manitowoc, Wis., Ray Du Val, flustered at arriving late to defend his beer-drinking title, downed a gallon instead of the required half-gallon, still beat his nearest rival by ten seconds, explained his tardiness: "I was at the bar down the street having a beer."
Flying Dutchman. In San Diego, after the Superior Meat Co. requested payment for the $966 worth of meat it had delivered to the chief petty officer of the U.S.S. Capsanta, police and Navy investigators could find no meat, no chief petty officer, no ship named Capsanta.
Total Immersion. In Nice, France, the Ministry of Agriculture announced that it had appointed four underwater game wardens to make sure that spear fishers have fishing licenses.
Double-Scorned. In Lebanon, Ohio, a few hours after husband Charles Finley, 57, sued for divorce, Mrs. Cecile Finley, 56, shot him in the right hand, explained later: "If he had only put his arm around me, I wouldn't have shot him."
Better Than Ever. In Boston, Anthony Santangelo, 12, showed up after a four-day absence, explained to his frantic family that he had been to the movies, seen A Girl for Joe seven times, Living It Up three times, Garden of Evil four times, Gone with the Wind three times, Duel in the Sun seven times.
Open House. In Douglas, Ariz., Mr. and Mrs. Joe Garcia told police that although their neighbors on four sides had noticed nothing suspicious during the Garcia's six-month absence, their house had been stripped of a bed, cupboards, tables, four chairs, a medicine cabinet, windows, plumbing pipes, faucets, toilet, light bulbs and clothesline.