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"During the last seven years I ... have gone through deep waters because of the chaotic conditions in China. ... All these things have made me see my own inadequacy. More than that, all human insufficiency. To try to do anything for the country seemed like trying to put out a great conflagration with a cup of water.
"During these years of my married life . . . there was [first] a tremendous enthusiasm and patriotism. . . . But there was no staying power. I was depending on self. Then ... I was plunged into dark despair ... I realized that spiritually I was failing my husband. . . . Thus I entered into the third period where I wanted to do not my will, but God's. ... I used to pray that God would do this or that.
Now I pray only that God make His will known to me. . . . "Prayer is not self-hypnotism. It is more than meditation. ... I do not think it is possible to make this understandable to one who has not tried it. ... What I do want to make clear is that whether we get guidance or not, it's there. It's like tuning in on the radio. There's music in the air whether we tune in or not."
* Where he was arrested in 1896 for extradition to China, apparently on the request of the Peking Government.