Pigs, Pocks, Panegyrics
The Story. Peter Pock, Jr., was born in a bed of roses with a silver spoon in his mouth.
His father, a pork-packer, had started life with but a single pig, but so brilliantly had he manipulated that lone porker, that he had at length attained unto dizzying financial plenitude and a mansion on Chicago's Gold Coast. He had, moreover, a passion for cleanliness. In public life, he stood for: "Clean Water Supply (Prohibition!), Clean Education (Paul Revere's Ride!), Clean Literature (Pollyanna!), Clean Minds (belief in the stork!)."
Thus, when the 12-year-old Peter said to his parent one day: "Papa, here is a picture called Immaculate Conception. What is Immaculate Conception?" the elder Pock replied smoothly: "That's the name of the lady, Peter."
Peter grew up, cheerful, well-pursed. He had all but completed his education at the famed Bah-Bah University, when he fell in love with the fair Georgina, butcher's daughter. Peter's stern parent forbade the match, threatened to cut him off with but a single pig. To cure him of his passion, it was decided to ship him off to Paris with his tutor and mentor, one Rufus Gabbe, M.A., Ph.D., panegyrist of Bah-Bah philosophy.
To Paris they went. When Peter had time to spare from his other pursuits, he thought on Georgina and was faithful to her after his fashion.
Came the War. Peter and Gabbe joined the French forces at the front, . where in due course Peter was wounded. In the hospital Georgina (who had conveniently come over as a nurse) consoled him by saying: "War isn't what it used to be. Nowadays you can face the enemy and still get a wound from the rear."
There were gay times in Paris with Georgina after Peter had recovered. He wooed her with champagne and hors d'oeuvres, wanted her to marry him at once; but the thought of that one pig deterred her. She decided it would be too hard upon the pig to have to support them both. So, as a compromise, he bought her a lock bracelet and departed for the front, keeping the key.