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But when did you last read about the Daddy Wars? Men compete against one another in every arena except this one, maybe out of indifference, but more often out of humility. Most fathers I know make fun of themselves, and of the mystery of it all, as though content that being a parent is a skill you practice but never master. There is much doubt, but less guilt. Apple calls American Fatherhood "the longest-running identity crisis of all time," but largely refrains from offering fellow new fathers any advice--though in the course of his journey, he encounters so much nonsense on how to Build Better Children that one develops an allergy to the whole notion of trying to re-engineer them at all.
As we create this new domestic economy, the rising generation of mothers may see the value in trading control for collaboration and lighten up a little, both with Dad and one another. You already feel the rising backlash against hyper-parenting; I suspect the less possessive we are, the less obsessive we'll be. I write this as one who always knew that my husband would be the better parent of the two of us, able to slide, with joy and mischief, into our children's world rather than drag them prematurely into ours. On this Father's Day, the nicest thing anyone could say to me? That I've been a good dad too.