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Most marriage counselors recommend that reunited couples take the same precautions they would with any new relationship: go slowly, and reacquaint yourselves little by little. That advice can fall on deaf ears for some who, feeling so nostalgic about the old connection and safe with the person who shared it, believe they've been there and done that 20 or 30 years ago. "Our hearts are open when we're young, and the person we knew then can make a big impression. It's understandable that people want to go back to that experience," explains Doug Moseley, the co-author with his wife Naomi Moseley of Making Your Second Marriage a First-Class Success (Three Rivers Press). But, says Naomi, "it can be just as difficult to meet an old beau as a new person. Even though you have those memories, you have to realize you are 50 or 55, not 20."
Still, many old sweethearts who have landed in fulfilling new partnerships relish the fact that they're not 20 and feel lucky to have reunited with their former love at midlife, when they can truly appreciate each other. Just ask Richard and Lynne Allen. "We had both grown through our life experiences by the second time we met," says Lynne. "But we also had those fond memories of our relationship when we were younger. The marriage has been great for both of us." Adds her husband: "She's mellowed and I've mellowed. It's all about compromise."