Wednesday, Apr. 18, 2012

Matt Lauer by Howard Stern

We all wondered, Was it over? It's over, it's over, he's losing his hair! It's got to be over! But we were wrong! The strength was still there, perhaps stronger still, crashing pillars to earth with innate strength and charm and class — Matt Lauer, 54, the anti-Samson, going up against pretty guys and girls, the hairy people. He was still the smartest, the strongest, the classiest. How? Why? This is a guy who never gives up! Why? How? 'Cause he works his ass off and cares about everything he does. Adversity, begone! Katie leaves. Meredith leaves. Knuckleheads come and go. Matt is there and stronger still. Our leader, diving into treacherous TV morning waters unscathed by sharks, unstung by stingrays, impossible to harm 'cause our Matt is cool and relaxed and so we're cool and relaxed and we can deal with the complexities of a presidential interview, a great sports event or the wacko.

All people become newsworthy in his Matt-talk, and their stories take on great importance. I've questioned the relevance of the Lohan story, the Brinkley divorce and again, again, again, Kim Kardashian — but it all becomes news, something we want to hear from the Matt Lauer interview. No wonder NBC is paying someone $25 million a year and it ain't me! Oh, how I admire him, and how I admire his lovely wife Annette.

If there is ever a woman Mrs. Stern and I would want to have a threesome with, it's Annette, although the three of us would probably end up in bed laughing and saying, "Where in the world is Matt?" (Hey, I'm Howard Stern, and I need to throw something inappropriate into everything I do.) Carry on, Matt. Oh, how we wish we were him.

Stern is a radio host and the newest judge on America's Got Talent