Andy Rooney, Art Critic
America's favorite curmudgeon doesn't like modern art. Or as he calls it, "pretentious nonsense." Rooney finds it ugly and invasive, and he's going to spend two minutes and 49 seconds complaining about it. He calls out Chicago, Cleveland, Kansas City — even Washington, D.C., where the street art "makes as much sense as the politicians there." (Zing!) Rooney examines a modern art memorial to Martin Luther King Jr. in Memphis, Tenn. "I'm an admirer of everything Martin Luther King stood for," Rooney says, "but I don't think he would have stood for this." (Double zing!)
Best line: "There are a lot of know-nothing boobs who don't appreciate modern art being put up in public places ... I know this is true because I'm one of those know-nothing boobs."