What you'll need:
• Spray-on tanning lotion (Jergens works best)
• Hair gel
• A nice suit
• An air of smooth-palmed Beltway insiderism (optional)
No matter how you feel about the man who could be the next Speaker of the House, you have to admit that he has the most famous Washington tan since Kennedy. So yes, while projecting an image of urbane class is important if you want to dress up as the Ohio Republican — they don't call him the Don Draper of D.C. for nothing — even more important is pilfering leftover tanning spray from your friend who's going out as Snooki. (You know you have one.) With an elegant Boehner costume, you'll definitely stand out among the hoi polloi. And as an added benefit, the costume is bipartisan: liberals will assume you're mocking Boehner's craven hucksterism and conservatives will assume you're celebrating the imminent Republican takeover of the House.