In a rant that could make even George "I've used the Google" Bush look hip, Rooney slams Microsoft for making computers that can't compete with his typewriter. Waxing wistful for the Underwood antique on which he pecked away for half a century, he notes that he has churned through seven computers in six years. (What did he do to them?) He also slams Bill Gates' creations for being tough to shut down and for requiring him to use a password. "In all the years I wrote on my typewriter, it never asked for a password," he says. "And no one ever stole anything I wrote, either." If this segment is representative of your output, Andy, it's not hard to see why.
Best line: "Computers aren't nice to us. My typewriter never threatened me with a prison sentence by saying I have performed an illegal operation."