Quotes of the Day

Tuesday, Mar. 09, 2010

Open quote

No one is safe around Chelsea Handler. On her E! late-night show, Chelsea Lately, the comedienne takes noticeable pleasure in skewering celebrities, often right to their faces. The author of My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and New York Times No. 1 best seller Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, Handler takes on friends, family and herself in her latest book, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. TIME talked to Handler about little people, practical jokes and euthanizing her father.

How do your friends and family feel about having their pictures in Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang? Are they worried about being recognized?
My dad already thinks he's a celebrity. He's like, "I can't even go to the supermarket without getting recognized." I'm like, "Dad, the book's not out [yet], and no one knows who you are unless you're introducing yourself as Chelsea Handler's father. And if you are doing that, please stop."

You say that your dad pulls out your book for every person he meets. But how does he react when he reads the stories about him? You pretty much call him crazy.
I was [writing] about him and his 20-year-old Jamaican cleaning lady [also his girlfriend]. And he said he didn't want me to talk about that in this book, because that's private information. He doesn't want people to think that he is off the market — as if anyone wants to be "on the market" with him. And then he said that he wanted to be paid $25,000 for me to use his picture in my book. I told him that that wasn't going to happen either. Then he said, "What if I decide to sue you?" I said, "Well, if you sue me, you're going to have to borrow $25,000 from me to hire an attorney. And I'm not going to loan it to you." So that pretty much nipped that in the bud. That's a normal conversation day with my father, by the way.

After the whole Jay Leno–Conan O'Brien debacle, there were a lot of articles about how there are no women in late night. How do you feel when you hear that, considering your show on E!?
That's annoying because I've been [on E!] for over 2½ years. It's a smaller franchise because it's a smaller network. But with the way things are now, it's almost like cable is going to be taking over network [in terms of] ad dollars. It seems like cable's kind of the place to be. So I'm glad that I'm there now. I feel a little bit ahead of the curve. But I don't get too upset about any kind of comparison like that. I don't take myself that seriously.

On your show, you occasionally film sketches with your staff writers. What's the dynamic like between you and them?
We just constantly chase each other down the halls and scream and yell and play jokes on each other. [We] send e-mails from each other's accounts. People come out of the closet to their parents on e-mail [and] people announce their pregnancies to the staff. I mean, it's just ridiculous. It's like being in high school again, but this time I'm popular.

A lot of your stories in the book seem almost too hilarious to be true. What's the line you draw between keeping things accurate and exaggerating for humor?
There's not a lot of exaggeration in my stories. You learn that lesson the James Frey way. I'm looking through the book right now trying to think if anything was really exaggerated, and it's like, I don't think so. They're all really true. I don't have to exaggerate a lot, because my life is ridiculous.

What story are you most worried about in terms of how your friends and family will see it?
I think probably my dad finding out that we were e-mailing each other about euthanizing him.

How did you and your sidekick on the show, Chuy, team up?
I wanted a little person, and they brought me a big nugget.

So you always wanted a little person as a sidekick?
Yeah, and I was like, "Just bring me one," and he was the perfect shape and size.

Does he help write?
He doesn't help anything. He helps eat the food, and that's about it.

Close quote

  • Megan Friedman
  • Late-night host Chelsea Handler follows up her New York Times best-selling book 'Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea' with 'Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang'