Quotes of the Day

Actor James Franco was scheduled to deliver the commencement address at UCLA's graduation ceremony last month, but he pulled out a few days before the event, reportedly to work on a movie. Or at least that's what his publicist said. The real story, according to this Funny or Die video, is that UCLA found out what the 2008 alumnus planned to say in his speech and rescinded the invitation.

That isn't true, of course. Funny or Die is a comedy website, and Franco's video is just a spoof. But this speech is so funny that he should have kept his promise and delivered it instead of flitting off to work on Spiderman 7, or one of his short stories, or whatever it was that he considered more important.

Words of wisdom from James Franco:

"I'd like to do a quote from one of my favorite authors, R.L. Stein. 'Read, read, read.' Just don't read one type of book. Read different books by different authors so you develop different styles."

"Last year I did a movie called Milk. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Milk was the name of a guy, not my favorite drink. I mean, I love milk the drink. Chocolate milk. But never strawberry milk. I did the movie anyway, and now gay people can have jobs."

"It's a very scary time to graduate, but thank goodness that all us college graduates are guaranteed steady and lucrative jobs because of our college degrees."

"Charity and service are very important to me. And that's just one of the ways in which I remind myself of Barack Obama."

Well done, James Franco. I wish someone given me this advice when I graduated college. Instead, I got a handshake from some dude in a robe and a worthless piece of paper that I gave to my parents.

• Claire Suddath
• A new Funny or Die video reveals what the actor and UCLA alumnus would've told the graduating class of 2009