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The west side of Beijing's venerable Workers' Stadium is ground zero for the capital's party animals. Stretching south of the stadium gate is a row of huge dance clubs with names like Babyface, Coco Banana, Cargo and Angel, each competing with its neighbors to be bigger, brighter and louder. But on the other side of the road, the offices and shops are shuttered by late evening. Only one discreet neon sign is visible above a small stairway: Destination — Beijing's premier gay club.

Despite its unassuming exterior, the long lines of young men waiting for entry on most weekend nights are a giveaway. And inside it's all action. On a recent Saturday night, hundreds of men milled around the outer rooms drinking and flirting. Around the tennis-court-sized dance floor an Eminem concert looped on half a dozen video screens, and pulsing lasers and strobe lights flashed over the writhing, sweating bodies. It has been like this every weekend for the past couple of years, the club's manager says.

Xiao Wang, as he is introduced to me, is propped up against a wall in one of the bars. The 29-year-old architect, who sports a stud earring and a fresh razor cut, looks puzzled when I ask him about the drawbacks of being gay in Beijing, and whether he gets hassled by the authorities. "Hassled for what? Being gay?" He laughs. "Why would they want to do that?"

There has never been a better time to be gay in China, but as Destination's somewhat schizophrenic combination of outer reserve and inner exuberance demonstrates, it still pays to be careful. Beijing's attitude has been described as a "Triple no" policy: no approval, no disapproval, no promotion. That sort of "Don't ask, don't tell" system is emblematic of the delicacy with which the communist regime is learning to deal with many of the personal-liberties issues being raised by the country's growing middle class. For their part, homosexuals in China seem perfectly happy to live within the boundaries allowed by the government, albeit not without the occasional snipe at the authorities. It's no coincidence, for example, that the once ubiquitous term tongzhi — comrade — is now slang among young Chinese for gay men.

Historically, Chinese society was relaxed about male homosexuality, which was tolerated so long as it didn't interfere with the Confucian duty to raise a family. Although an imperial decree was issued (likely under the influence of Christian missionaries) banning homosexuality in 1740, it was not until the advent of the communists that gays and lesbians were driven underground. The communist government once viewed gays as disruptive to social order and strictly enforced laws against homosexuality, imprisoning and even executing those convicted. But as China's economy opened to the world, the authorities' stance softened. A law banning sodomy was dropped in 1997, and in 2001 homosexuality was removed from the country's official list of mental illnesses. "It gets freer every year," says Bernie, a fortysomething who takes a longer perspective. "And every year more and more gays come out of the closet. In Beijing and the big cities, you can see couples walking around the shopping malls holding hands. In the smaller cities, I hear it's getting better all the time."

Still, Beijing is no San Francisco. Openly gay filmmaker Cui Zien says it's still easy to cross an invisible line when it comes to publicly celebrating gay culture. "I organized a gay film festival and the authorities warned us not to advertise the location and the date, not even on the Internet." Despite the restrictions, the festival was allowed to go ahead (unlike some in previous years) and was well attended. Also, since the SARS outbreak in 2003, the government has become more enlightened about AIDS. Cui notes that "there are lots of education programs on safe sex and HIV prevention in gay communities and on the Internet, and there is also lots of funding available to safe-sex campaigns."

Back at Destination, Xiao Wang is still struggling to explain how things work. A friend in a leather jacket grabs his shoulder and pulls him toward the dance floor, but he hesitates. "If you do something wrong, of course you can get into trouble. But that's not just for gays. That's true for all Chinese. Other than that," he says, turning to follow his friend, "we're free to live our lives."

• Simon Elegant