Quotes of the Day

These days, Emmanuel Jal is a star of African rap. But as a former child soldier, he fought, from the age of nine, in Sudan's bloody and protracted civil war. Of four hundred or so boys that set off on a long trek through the desert in search of safety, Jal was one of the few survivors. With the help of a British aid worker, Jal was spirited to a new life in Nairobi where he found salvation in God and music. Now aged about 25, Jal is a spokesman for Make Poverty History, the Coalition to Stop the Use of Child Soldiers and the Control Arms campaign.

Do you have any happy memories from childhood?
My earliest memories are from 5 when it used to be my whole family, when there was war running here and there. I used to hear that so-and-so died. As a child, I didn't know what they mean by 'to die.' So I grew up in a place where people used to die all the time but a child is not allowed to see a dead body. When you ask "where is so-and so?" you're told he's gone to another world where we all go to live in the future. There are no happy memories — everything was just violence, trauma, war. That's what I remember.

When were you born?
Normally, I give the date of Jan. 1, 1980. But ask 50,000 child soldiers and they will all tell you Jan. 1. When war was intensive, us kids were taken to another town. Later I heard my mother died but I didn't understand how she died. I was about six or seven. My father was never with us because he was fighting for the SPLA [Sudan People's Liberation Army]. The SPLA put out a decree that young people should be taken to school in Ethiopia. So we had to walk from my village [Tong in southern Sudan] to Ethiopia. Many died, eaten by wild animals, falling into rivers or getting lost. We actually went to school for a while. That's where I started learning English. Then the bigger ones were sent for training to learn discipline and basic skills. So we learned how to fight.

What was your first experience of battle?
I did a "soft one" at the age of nine. We stayed near a village and we would sometimes go and steal their animals — we would practice like we were going to fight. Those are the terrible things kids would do. Then we would dig a pit and bury the cow or the sheep in the sand along the river and sit on top. The owner would ask you, "Did you see my cow?" and we'd be sitting on top of it saying "No." Then at night we'd take it to the camp. When the villagers discovered, they attacked us. It was terrible because they killed some of us. But we managed to burn all their villages which was really bad. That was my first experience as a fighter and everyone was like "Yeah! We are fighters now." Then we went to defend Ethiopia from being overthrown. But we lost the battle and had to make our way to the south. Thousands died in the river because they didn't know how to swim. One group walked to Kenya but I ended up in Juba in south Sudan. That's where the most terrifying events took place. Young people are so brave when they go to fight. Before, you are afraid, but when you shoot you get that strength. What they don't know is, you can die at once.

Did you know what you were fighting for?
Yes. For freedom. Because the government of Sudan was oppressive. They brought in Shari'a law in Sudan, which means if you're not a Muslim you are considered an unbeliever and you don't get a good job. There was slavery; if you were black you were meant to be their servants. That's what I knew. When the SPLA [split into] factions, that's when I lost the motivation to fight for them, because we were fighting each other. So that's when we started to escape, where I was tempted to eat human beings, where I experienced God, because I asked god to help me in those terrible situations.

Were you a devout Christian back then?
For many Sudanese it's for strength they choose to be Christian rather than Muslim. My mum was a Muslim but she became a Christian later. In our terrible times she used to pray when we ran, and she told us, "Don't worry, it's OK. There is someone called God watching over us." So [in my terrible time] I remember saying, "God of My Mum take care of me." That's where my belief became strong.

What do you remember about Emma McCune [the British aid worker at the camp in Waat, where Jal arrived]?
I didn't meet Emma at first. I met an American lady called Christine. she was the first one who wanted to take me. I still had my gun, so they disarmed me. Then they started arguing over me and I wondered, "Why you are fighting over me?" So Christine gave up and took two other boys. Emma said, "OK, I'll take you to school." That's what I'd been praying for. She smuggled me onto a flight to Nairobi — she kept the pilot busy because she was pretty and able to convince people. I hid among the bags and when we got to Nairobi it was difficult and strange — a different world. But I adjusted to it. When Emma died, things were terrible again. I was 13. and I didn't know how things were going to work. Emma's mum and friends took over and put me into school.

When did you start making music?
In 2000 in church, because that's where there was hope. I looked at my life and I said, "I've been in hell and I'm told there's another. Why choose that when I have another option?" So I used to go to church and joined the gospel choir. We put on concerts in church and the school. Then I started to rap. People would come and watch. At first they resist, but then they like it. Rap was only just growing in Nairobi then. Now it is strong.

Do you find it ironic that rap music is often associated with guns and violence?
I've seen those people. They have so much hatred and bitterness. A lot of them want to fight an enemy they can't see, so they end up being violent to anyone around. That's because they were slaves, in poverty and in a violent place. For me, I had the same violence, the same bitterness, but it changed. I was influenced by the Christian belief that you must forgive your enemy. But also by people like Nelson Mandela, he suffered so much but he still had to speak the word of peace and what he spoke is healing South Africa now. You have to give your enemy security, for them to trust you. Because they're insecure, they think you'll take what they have.

Are you optimistic that the peace process in Sudan will work?
Not really. Because the Sudan government has a challenge and if it fails, then another war will take over. It has to prove to the southern Sudanese that a black person is the same as an Arab, the same human being. And Shari'a law doesn't have to be applied; there must be freedom of worship.

You now do a lot of work for charities trying to do good things in Africa. What will make a real difference for the continent? And what part can you play in that?
Maybe I can make a difference because when they hear the voice of someone who has suffered, people will be willing to give more help. But the main thing is, I want Africa to participate in fair trade. And debt forgiveness should be done too, because Africa can't afford to pay if there's no fair trade. The world owes Africa a lot, but they can't pay back for the pain they've caused. ... And I want to start a campaign to end corruption in Kenya [where Jal now lives] telling everyone it's all our responsibility. Because if we don't, it will kill Kenya. Kenya will go down.

• MICHAEL BRUNTON
• Young people are so brave when they go to fight. Before, you are afraid, but when you shoot you get that strength. What they don't know is, you can die at once